


Tribble Trouble

by SciFiFanForever



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-04 00:12:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11543373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SciFiFanForever/pseuds/SciFiFanForever
Summary: The Tenth Doctor and Rose Tyler are banished from the British Isles and end up on a planet in a disputed territory of space in the 23rd century. The USS Enterprise receives a priority one distress call from Sherman's Planet. What could possibly have gone wrong?





	1. Honour And Exile

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Furostomi-chan for making me think about a Doctor Who / Star Trek original series crossover. There was only one choice of story for me, and that is my favourite episode from the original series. When I started to write the story, I remembered that Rose had called the Doctor Mr Spock in "The Empty Child", which meant that the Doctor and Rose would be entering a fictional universe. Then I remembered the film "Galaxy Quest", and reversed it. Well, you'll see what I mean,

****

 

**Chapter 1**

 

**Honour and Exile**

 

Rose was roused from her slumber by the sound of knocking on wood.

 

‘Sir? Miss?’ she heard Flora, one of the Torchwood house maids call out from the other side of the door.

 

There was a moment of confusion caused by the fog of sleep as she recalled the events of the previous night. After the Doctor had trapped and evaporated a werewolf, they had been shown to a bedroom where they could rest until morning. Rose had left her dungaree mini dress on, and slipped off her boots. She had crawled under the covers, and fallen into an exhausted sleep.

 

The Doctor had taken off his pin striped jacket and put it over the back of an ornately carved chair. He had then sat on top of the covers with his back propped up with pillows. He wasn’t sleeping, he was using a form of Gallifreyan meditation which performed the same purpose as sleep.

 

‘Sir? Miss? I have breakfast,’ Flora called out again.

 

Surely it couldn’t be morning already, Rose thought.

 

‘Come in,’ the Doctor told her, and the young maid brought in a silver breakfast tray which held two bowls which had steam rising from them, and a teapot with a woolen cosy over it to keep its contents warm.

 

She put the tray on a chest of drawers. ‘I’ve brought you some porridge. Eat it while it’s nice and hot, and there’s tea in the pot.’

 

Rose slid up the bed to sit with her back against the headboard as Flora handed them their porridge. ‘Thank you Flora.’

 

‘You’re welcome Miss. And you Sir,’ she said with a smile.

 

Rose sniffed the cereal uncertainly, but the Doctor scooped up a spoonful and put it in his mouth. He raised his eyebrows and pointed at the contents of the bowl with his spoon.

 

‘Oh this is good,’ he enthused. ‘Nobody makes porridge like the Scots.’

 

Rose took a small mouthful, and her face lit up. ‘Actually, that’s pretty good,’ she admitted.

 

Flora curtsied and was about to leave when she remembered a royal task she’d been asked to perform. ‘Oh, before I go, her majesty as asked me to ask you where you come from.’

 

The Doctor stopped mid spoonful and had a wistful, far away look in his eyes. ‘I’m from all over the place.’

 

‘Oh,’ Flora said, looking disappointed. ‘Well, where do you call home Sir.’

 

He looked at Rose and smiled, before turning back to Flora. ‘Tell her the TARDIS. That’s my home now.’

 

‘Very good Sir. And you Miss?’ she said looking at Rose.

 

Rose smiled at her. ‘The Powell Estate in London.’

 

‘Thank you Miss. Enjoy your breakfasts, and when you have finished, her majesty expects the pleasure of your company in the drawing room for a ceremony,’ Flora recited.

 

‘What ceremony,’ the Doctor asked.

 

‘Don’t know Sir. That was all that her majesty told me to say.’

 

‘Okay Flora. Tell her majesty we will be delighted to join her,’ the Doctor said with a warm smile. Flora curtsied again and left.

 

They finished their bowls of porridge and Rose took her legs from under the covers. She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on her boots, took the Doctor’s bowl and put them both on the tray. She poured two cups of tea and took them back to the bed.

 

‘So, I wonder what this ceremony is then?’ Rose asked as she sipped her tea.

 

‘I don’t know. Probably to declare a period of mourning for all the people who died last night,’ he said sadly. He hated it when he couldn’t save everyone. But some people were so stubborn, and others were determined to sacrifice themselves. ‘It’s much easier when we can just slip away.’

 

‘Not this time though,’ Rose said with her teasing smile. ‘This is a royal summons. You’ll be locked in the tower or beheaded or somethin’ if you try and sneak away now.’

 

The Doctor groaned. ‘Ah well. Drink up then and let’s go and find out.’

 

In the drawing room, the surviving household were gathered together, along with the soldiers of the queen’s escort. Queen Victoria was standing with her back to the fireplace with Lady Isobel beside her. Lady Isobel was dressed in black, mourning her husband, Sir Robert who had been savaged by the werewolf. The Doctor and Rose walked towards the queen, and they saw that she had one of the soldiers swords in her hand.

 

No! It couldn’t be. Could it? They were directed to kneel in front of the queen.

 

‘By the power invested in me by the Church and the State, I dub thee Sir Doctor of Tardis,’ Victoria said, as she touched each shoulder with the sword.

 

She then addressed Rose. ‘By the power invested in me by the Church and the State, I dub thee Dame Rose of the Powell Estate. You may stand.’

 

‘Many thanks, Ma'am,’ the Doctor said.

 

‘Thanks . . . They're never going to believe this back home,’ Rose said to herself, and Flora smiled behind her.

 

‘Your Majesty, you said last night about receiving no message from the great beyond. I think your husband cut that diamond to save your life. He's protecting you even now, Ma'am, from beyond the grave,’ the Doctor said kindly, trying to give her some solace.

 

‘Indeed. Then you may think on this also. That I am not amused,’ Victoria said with a stern expression.

 

‘Yes!’ Rose whispered with a broad smile. She’d been trying to get her to say that all day yesterday to win a bet with the Doctor.

 

The queen thought they were both smiling inappropriately, after all the death and destruction that had been caused recently. ‘Not remotely amused. And henceforth I banish you.’

 

That wiped the smiles off their faces. ‘I'm sorry?’ The Doctor said with a frown.

 

‘I rewarded you, Sir Doctor, and now you are exiled from this empire, never to return.’ Rose looked at the Doctor in confusion. Hadn’t they  just saved her life? ‘I don't know what you are, the two of you, or where you're from, but I know that you consort with stars and magic and think it fun. But your world is steeped in terror and blasphemy and death, and I will not allow it. You will leave these shores and you will reflect, I hope, on how you came to stray so far from all that is good, and how much longer you will survive this terrible life. Now leave my world, and never return.’

 

‘What? Leave . . . as in go away?’ the Doctor asked. Two soldiers came along side them to escort them from the house.

 

‘Er, yeah. I think that’s exactly what she means,’ Rose said.

 

Later that morning, the Doctor and Rose hopped off the horse drawn cart by the TARDIS, thanked Dougal, the driver, and walked across the heath land.

 

‘No, but the funny thing is, Queen Victoria did actually suffer a mutation of the blood. It's historical record. She was haemophiliac. They used to call it the Royal Disease. But it's always been a mystery because she didn't inherit it. Her mum didn't have it, her dad didn't have it. It came from nowhere,’ the Doctor told her.

 

‘What and you're saying that's a wolf bite?’

 

‘Well, maybe haemophilia is just a Victorian euphemism.’

 

‘For werewolf?’

 

‘Could be.’

 

‘Queen Victoria's a werewolf?’

 

‘Could be. And her children had the Royal Disease. Maybe she gave them a quick nip.’

 

‘So, the Royal Family are werewolves?’

 

‘Well, maybe not yet. I mean, a single wolf cell could take a hundred years to mature. Might be ready by, oh, early 21st century?’

 

‘Nah, that's just ridiculous!’ Rose said dismissively, and then thought about the Royal Family. ‘Mind you, Princess Anne . . .’

 

‘I'll say no more.’

 

Rose thought about it some more. ‘And if you think about it, they're very private. They plan everything in advance. They could schedule themselves around the moon. We'd never know. And they like hunting!’ she said as they stepped into the TARDIS, she was on a roll.

 

‘They love blood sports,’ she continued as the Doctor walked up the ramp ahead of her and started the time rotor. ‘Oh my God, they're werewolves!’ she laughed in disbelief.

 

‘Hah! And if they aren’t at the moment, they will be,’ he said with a grin.

 

‘And you owe me a tenner,’ Rose reminded him.

 

‘Ah, now the bet was that YOU could make her say it, and if I recall correctly, which I always do, I said that her husband was protecting her from beyond the grave, and she said, ‘Indeed, then you may think on this also, that I am not amused’.’

 

‘Yeah, she said it!’

 

‘Yes, but I made her say it, not you, and the bet was definitely for you to make her say it, so I think you’ll find that the tenner is mine,’ he said with an air of superiority.

 

‘Oh no, no, hang on,’ she said thinking furiously. ‘Er . . . ah, I actually said, ‘I want her to say we are not amused. I bet you five quid I can make her say it’. Now for you to win the bet, she would have had to NOT say it, so I think that’s a draw.’

 

‘What?’ he said incredulously. ‘Rose Tyler, have you been taking lessons from your mother.’

 

It was Rose’s turn to have a satisfied grin. ‘Yep, I was taught by one of the best, you have to get up really early to get one over on my Mum.’

 

The Doctor shook his head and laughed in resignation. ‘Okay, it’s a draw then.’

 

'Good. So Sir Doctor, where are y’takin’ me for lunch?’ she asked with a teasing smile.

 

'Lunch? We’ve only just had breakfast.’

 

'Only just? That was hours ago. And we had a trek across the moors before Dougal gave us a lift.’

 

'Was it?’ he asked with a frown.

 

'Yeah it was. And don't forget, while you were winin’ and dinin’ with her majesty last night, I missed dinner cos I was chained to a wall.’

 

'Hey, I’m not judging you, but what you get up to in your spare time is up to you,’ he said with a cheeky smile.

 

She playfully slapped his arm. 'Oi! Are you tryin’ to say I’m kinky?’

 

He tried to look all innocent. 'Just observing the facts.’

 

'This timorous beastie will give you a fact with her fist in a minute,’ she said with pretend annoyance. ‘Don’t forget, I’m a feral child y’know.’

 

'Ooh you Tyler women are so aggressive. Look, to make it up to you, why don't I take you out to lunch?’

 

'What, kronkburgers on Salarius again?’ she asked suspiciously.

 

‘We can if you want to,’ he said, adjusting the controls on the console. ‘But I was thinking more lunch at the Waldorf Astoria.’

 

Rose’s eyes went wide. ‘What? The Waldorf in New York?’

 

‘No. The Waldorf in Clapham,’ he said with a roll of his eyes. ‘Of course the Waldorf in New York. And in the nineteen thirties, when they knew how to do elegance.’

 

She looked down at her dungaree mini dress, thinking that it might not be the height of sophisticated elegance. ‘I can do elegant . . . Cardiff eighteen sixty nine? That was elegant,’ she reminded him.

 

He didn’t need reminding of Cardiff in eighteen sixty nine. She hadn’t just looked elegant, she had looked stunning. It was at that moment he had realised that she wasn’t just a kid from a council estate, she was a beautiful young woman. He gave her a warm smile. ‘Yeah. That was elegant.’

 

He landed the TARDIS and shut down the console. ‘So. Before you go to the wardrobe and get all glammed up, why don’t we go and have a look around? Get our bearings so to speak, and then we can have some lunch.’

 

Rose gave a giggle of excitement and hugged his arm as they walked down the ramp to the doors. When they stepped outside, it quickly became apparent that they weren’t in New York. In fact, they weren’t even on Earth. It looked like Earth. It had a yellow sun, blue skies, some thundery clouds on the western horizon, trees and grass. But the three pale, crescent moons in the sky kind of gave it away.

 

‘I ain’t seein’ no Empire State buildin’,’ Rose said sarcastically.

 

The Doctor scratched the back of his neck and squinted. ‘Nahhhh. Mind you, there’s a settlement over there in the distance. I bet they’d have a restaurant.’

 

Rose put her hand above her eyes as a sun shield and squinted in the direction that he was pointing. About a mile away she could see a colony base of what looked like futuristic prefabricated buildings. ‘It looks a bit “rustic”,’ she said unenthusiastically.

 

‘Oh rustic’s good. Remember what it’s like when you go to a tourist destination and find a backstreet cafe that isn’t on the tourist map?’ he said with that excited gleam in his eye.

 

‘Yeah. You get “Delhi Belly”,’ she reminded him.

 

‘Oh you’re SO negative at times. I don’t know why I bother,’ he said with humour in his voice. ‘Yes I do. Because I love to see that look of joy on your face when you find out I was right and that you really enjoy yourself.’

 

She tried to keep a disappointed look on her face. After all, the Waldorf Astoria was the Waldorf Astoria. But he was right. One of the reasons she travelled with him was because he took her to amazing places and showed her incredible things. She looked at his hand that he was holding out for her and gave him a broad smile.

 

‘Go on then. I guess I’m dressed for rustic. Elegance can wait.’ She took his hand and they set off across the grassland towards the colony.

 

‘So, where are we then?’ she asked as they set a good pace across the open ground.

 

He looked up at the sky and the three crescent moons. ‘Not sure. I’d need to see the stars to have a rough idea. But it looks like a planet in the early stages of colonisation.’

 

They crested a gentle incline, and saw a wide, shallow canyon in front of them. ‘Ah. That could be a problem,’ the Doctor observed.

 

They walked to the edge and looked down. There was a torrent of black, muddy water flowing down the gully. ‘There must have been rainfall up in the hills over there,’ the Doctor said, indicating the hills in the distance with dark clouds over them. ‘It’s caused a flash flood.’

 

Rose looked left and then right. ‘Look. Over there. It looks like some kind of bridge.’

 

The Doctor looked where she was indicating. ‘You’re right. Come on, let’s have a look.’

 

They hurried along the edge of the canyon until they came to a path worn into the grass, and a rickety looking rope bridge. The bridge was about thirty feet long, and the muddy water was flowing about five feet below it.

 

‘Is it safe?’ Rose asked, ‘Maybe we should go back to the TARDIS.?’

 

‘Awh, we don’t need the TARDIS to hop across this small gap,’ he told her. ‘From the look of the path, it’s used regularly.’

 

He started across, and Rose hesitantly followed. The bridge rocked slightly to the rhythm of their footsteps. ‘There you go, see. A well used rope bridge over a torrent of muddy water. What could possibly go wrong?’

 

‘Oh you had to go and say it, didn’t ya,’ she protested.

 

He turned around to face her and held his arms out. ‘What?’ He started to jump up and down. ‘See . . . Safe as houses.’

 


	2. Enterprise To The Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Rose find themselves on the star ship Enterprise. How can that be?

**Chapter 2**

 

**Enterprise To The Rescue**

  


The USS Enterprise, designation NCC-1701 was a twenty third century Federation Constitution-class starship operated by Starfleet. It had a saucer shaped primary hull which was over four hundred feet in diameter. A large strut connected it to the cylindrical secondary hull, which was three hundred and forty feet long. Two long struts connected the warp nacelles to the secondary hull, giving the ship an overall length of nine hundred and forty seven feet.

  
The ship was en route to Deep Space Station K-Seven for assistance with an important assignment regarding the disputed Sherman’s planet, which was only one parsec from a Klingon outpost. The Klingons were a humanoid warrior species that originated from the planet Qo'noS (pronounced Kronos), an M-class planet in the Beta Quadrant.

  
One of the major powers of the galaxy, the Klingons were a proud, tradition-bound people who valued honor and combat. The aggressive Klingon culture had made them an interstellar military power to be respected and feared.

  
The science officer, Mr Spock, who was also the first officer, entered the briefing room of the Enterprise. He was a Vulcan, who had pointed ears, and a yellowish green complexion. ‘Space Station K-Seven now within sensor range, Captain,’ he declared as he sat at the table.

  
‘Good,’ Captain Kirk replied. ‘Mister Chekov, this flight is supposed to provide both experience and knowledge . . . How close will we come to the Klingon outpost if we continue on our present course?’

  
The young Russian ensign had studied the history of Sherman’s Planet. ‘One parsec, sir. Close enough to smell them.’

  
‘That is illogical, Ensign. Odours cannot travel through the vacuum of space,’ Spock informed him.

  
‘I was making a little joke, sir,’ Chekov said, pinching his thumb and index finger together.

  
‘Extremely little, Ensign,’ Spock said without any implied humour.

  
Kirk interrupted the exchange. ‘Mister Spock, immediate past history of the quadrant?’

  
‘Under dispute between the two parties since initial contact. The battle of Donatu Five was fought near here twenty three solar years ago. Inconclusive.’

  
‘Analysis of disputed area?’ Kirk asked.

  
‘Undeveloped. Sherman's Planet is claimed by both sides, our Federation and the Klingon Empire. We do have the better claim,’ Spock informed him.

  
‘The area was first mapped by the famous Russian astronomer Ivan Borkoff almost two hundred . . .’ Chekov started to boast.

  
‘John Burke,’ Kirk corrected him.

  
‘Burke, sir?’ Chekov said with a frown. ‘I don't think so. I'm sure it was . . .’

  
‘John Burke was the Chief Astronomer at the Royal Academy in old Britain at the time,’ Spock interrupted.

  
‘Oh, Royal Academy. Well . . .’ the young ensign started to back track.

  
'Is the rest of your history that faulty, Ensign?’ Kirk asked. ‘Key points of dispute?’

  
Chekov decided not to pursue his country's claim to fame. ‘Under terms of the Organian Peace Treaty, one side or the other must prove it can develop the planet most efficiently.’

  
Kirk continued. ‘And unfortunately, though the Klingons are brutal and aggressive, they are most efficient.’

  
Chekov saw another opportunity for patriotic boasting. ‘I remember once Peter the Great had a problem like that. The . . .’

  
Before he could continue, the communications officer cut in on the desktop view screen.

  
[‘Captain?’] the dark skinned woman enquired.

  
‘Kirk here.’

  
[‘I'm picking up a subspace distress call from Sherman's Planet. Priority one.’]

  
‘Go to warp factor six,’ the captain commanded. Priority one could only mean one thing. The the Klingons were invading the planet.

  
Chekov had come to the same conclusion. ‘Code One emergency? That's a disaster call.’

  
[‘This is a Red Alert. Man your battle stations. All hands,’] they heard the young lieutenant declare as they hurried out of the room.

  
‘Captain's Log, stardate four, five, two, three point three. Sherman’s Planet has issued a priority one call. More than an emergency, it signals near or total disaster. We can only assume the Klingons have attacked the planet. We're going in armed for battle,’ Kirk dictated into the recorder of his command chair on the bridge.

  
Spock was leaning over his curved workstation on the starboard side of the circular bridge, studying the information on the sensor display unit.

  
'Captain. I am not detecting any Klingon ships in the vicinity.’

  
Kirk frowned. 'What? None at all?’

  
'No. And furthermore, the distress signal is not emanating from the colony. It appears to be coming from a canyon to the south.’ He made an adjustment to the dial on the side of the viewing unit. ‘Two life forms seem to be caught in a flash flood in a canyon. One human. Female. And the other is a male of unknown species.’

  
Kirk pressed a button on the arm of his command chair. ‘Doctor Mccoy. Would you meet us in Transporter Room One. I think we may have some casualties for you.’

  
[‘On my way Captain,’] the gravelly voice with a deep south accent replied.

  
Kirk rose from the chair, and addressed his Vulcan first officer. ‘Mr Spock, with me.’

  
The Vulcan straightened up from his curved scanning desk and followed his captain to the red doors of the turbolift at the rear of the bridge.

  
‘Mr Scott, you have the con,’ Kirk said to the chief engineer.

  
‘Aye Cap’n,’ Scott replied, and left his station at the rear of the bridge to sit in the command chair.

  
They entered Transporter Room One, and Spock went to the transporter control desk, taking over from an ensign who was on duty. He started to lock onto the two life forms which were being swept along in the torrent of water.

  
‘Mr Spock?’ Kirk said with concern. If he took too long, the victims might drown.

  
‘The life forms are moving erratically in the current. It will take me a moment to compensate,’ the Vulcan said in a calm, dispassionate tone.

  
A few seconds later, they heard the transporter engage as Spock pulled down the sliders. The transporter pad shimmered as two muddy blobs appeared on the floor. They were on their hands and knees, coughing and spluttering.

  
'Pah! Anymore bright ideas?’ a female voice asked in an annoyed tone as she spat out mud and wiped her mouth. Her hair was bedraggled and matted with mud, and hung down, covering her face.

  
'Gah! It wasn’t my fault the ropes on the bridge were of an inferior quality,’ a male voice replied defensively as he also spat out mud. His hair was flattened down over his eyes and face as he stood up.

  
The female blob of mud stood up and scooped the mud from her eyes with her fingers. 'It was your fault that it collapsed though,’ she said accusingly. 'Safe as houses you said as you jumped up and down on those rickety boards.’

  
'Ahem.’ Kirk cleared his throat to get the attention of the muddy blobs who were apparently having a domestic.

  
The two muddy blobs turned to look in the direction of the “ahem”. The male muddy blob wiped his hair up over his forehead.

  
'Oh. Hello,’ he said in surprise.

  
The female muddy blob raised a hand and waved her fingers, causing a dollop of mud to fall to the floor. ‘Hello.’ The mud hit the transporter pad with a quiet splat. ‘Ah . . . Sorry.’

  
Kirk glanced at McCoy with a lopsided smile before replying. 'Hello. I’m Captain Kirk. Welcome aboard the Enterprise.’

  
‘Captain Kirk? James Kirk? THE James T. Kirk?’ the male muddy blob asked enthusiastically.

  
‘Hang on. Captain Kirk? The Enterprise? They’re off the telly. This can’t be happenin’,’ the female muddy blob said in confusion.

  
‘Er, yes. I’m THE Captain Kirk,’ Kirk replied, squinting as he tried to see who was under all that mud.

  
‘Oh brilliant!’ The male muddy blob went to shake his hand, and realised it was caked in mud. ‘Ah. Best not . . . Anyway, thank you very much. I’m the Doctor, and this is Rose. And can I just say, that was one of the smoothest teleports we’ve had in a long time,’ the Doctor said, looking at Spock.

  
Spock nodded his head in recognition of the compliment, but he didn’t really need it. He was merely performing his duty to the best of his considerable ability. No more, no less.

  
‘Oh-my-god. It’s Spock an’ all!’ the female muddy blob realised.

  
McCoy stepped forwards. ‘Are you injured? Did you ingest any of the mud?’ He was waving a spinning salt shaker over them and looking at the readings on a handheld device.

  
‘Er, no I’m fine,’ the Doctor said. He looked at Rose. ‘You?’

  
‘No. No, I’m fine. Got some in my mouth, but I spat it out.’ She looked down at the muddy transporter pad floor. ‘Sorry.’

  
Kirk gave them a warm smile. ‘That’s okay. We can clean it up. Talking of which, it looks like you could do with a good clean up.’ He looked to the ensign. ‘Ensign Reid. Ask a cleaning squad to clean this up, and take our rescued visitors to guest quarters.’

  
‘Yes Captain.’

  
‘I’ll get Yeoman Rand to bring you some clothing while we get your things laundered,’ Kirk told them.

  
‘Thank you Captain. That’s very kind of you.’

  
‘No problem. Always glad to help out. However, a priority channel distress call should only be used for a global disaster,’ Kirk told them.

  
‘Well, it was a bit of a disaster for us,’ the Doctor joked.

  
‘Distress call?’ Rose queried. ‘What distress call?’

  
‘We detected a distress signal from your vessel,’ Spock explained.

  
‘Ah, that would be the TARDIS Rose. When she saw us being swept away, she would have panicked and sent out a distress signal,’ the Doctor explained.

  
‘Oh, good girl!’ Rose exclaimed. ‘Is she all right?’

  
Spock tapped a few keys on the transporter desk. ‘You vessel is still on the surface.’

  
‘Are we able to recover it for them?’ Kirk asked.

  
‘It is a remarkably small vessel, Captain. I can transport it to the Shuttle Bay.’

  
“Whee-ee-woo” the intercom whistled from by the door. [‘Captain Kirk?’] Uhura voice asked from the panel.

  
Kirk went over to the intercom and pressed the button. ‘Kirk here.’

  
[‘I'm picking up a subspace distress call. Priority channel. This time from Space Station K-Seven.’]

  
‘Another one. Go to warp factor six,’ Kirk commanded. Priority one could only mean one thing. Space Station K-Seven was under attack.

  
[‘This is a Red Alert. Man your battle stations. All hands,’] they heard Uhura declare for the second time that day.

  
Kirk turned back to the Doctor and Rose. ‘If you go with Ensign Reid, he’ll show you to the guest quarters,’ Kirk said.

  
Rose smiled. Her smile seeming brighter as her white teeth contrasted with the dark mud. ‘I can’t believe this. Thank you Captain Kirk. That’s very kind of you.’

  
They squelched their way out of the Transporter Room as they followed the ensign along a corridor to a set of red doors, which slid open to reveal a cylindrical turbolift pod. The pod travelled up two decks and after a few minutes of travelling, they arrived at a door in the corridor, which Reid opened by touching a button on the wall. It slid open to reveal a room which wouldn’t have been out of place in a Travel Lodge.

  
In front of them was a large bed, with a painting of a nebula on the wall above the pillows. To the side of the bed, was a high backed swivel chair. The ceiling sloped gently away from them towards the bed, following the curve of the hull. There was a door on the right hand wall, and an opening with half wall on the left, which led to another room with a table, two swivel chairs and a counter with a food replicator in the wall above it.

  
‘The bathroom is through there,’ Reid told them, indicating the door on the right. ‘It’s got a bath and shower. There are towels and bath robes. Yeoman Rand will be along soon with some uniforms that you can wear, and she’ll take your clothes to be cleaned. If you need anything, there’s an intercom on the wall by the bed, and on the table through there.’

  
‘Room service as well,’ the Doctor joked. ‘I don’t know. Drop us in muck, and we come up smelling of roses.’

  
‘Smellin’ of Rose’s what?’ Rose asked as she sniffed her armpit. ‘Yeuk! Cos at the moment Rose smells of a stagnant pond.’

  
Reid laughed and left the room.

  
‘You’d better have first dibs on the bathroom then,’ the Doctor said.

  
‘Yes!’ Rose said with a fist pull. She moved towards the door, which swished open as she approached. She turned to look at the Doctor. ‘So how can we be here? I mean, this was all an idea by Gene Roddenberry wasn’t it?’

  
‘Yeah. It was, based on his experience,’ he told her.

  
Rose’s eyes went wide. ‘Wha’? Roddenberry was an alien?’

  
‘Nah. Don’t be daft,’ he said with a smile. ‘He was as human as you are. Do you remember the episode “Tomorrow Is Yesterday”, where the Enterprise is catapulted into the past?’

  
‘Nope. Never watched it.’

  
‘What do you mean you never watched it?’ he asked in disbelief.

  
‘It was off the air when I was growin’ up. I was into “Byker Grove”,’ she explained.

  
‘But you know who Spock is,’ he responded. ‘You even told Captain Jack I was Mr Spock when we first met him.’

  
‘Everyone knows who Spock is. He’s an icon,’ Rose told him.

  
‘No he’s not. He’s a Vulcan,’ the Doctor said with a cheeky smile.

  
‘Oh, very funny,’ she said with a smirk.

  
‘Go and get cleaned up and I’ll explain later,’ he told her.

  
‘Hah! I’m in an episode of Star Trek,’ Rose laughed as she turned and entered the bathroom. The door swished closed behind her.

  
The Doctor took off his muddy jacket and tie and looked for somewhere to put them where they wouldn’t make a mess. When he saw the muddy footprints on the floor, he shrugged and dropped them on the floor. He kicked off his Converse, and the door “bonged” gently.

  
‘Hello?’ he called out, and the door swished open.

  
An attractive blonde in a red minidress, dark tights and black, calf length boots, entered the room. Her hair was styled up in a futuristic “bee hive”, and she was carrying two clothes bags. ‘Hello. I’m Yeoman Rand. Janice. You must be Doctor . . . er, I didn’t get your surname.’

  
‘It’s just the Doctor,’ he explained.

  
‘Ah, right. These are some clothes for you. I’m afraid they’re only Starfleet uniforms, but they are quite comfortable,’ she said.

  
‘I’m sure they’ll be fine, thank you Janice. But I’m afraid we’ve made a bit of a mess on the floor.’

  
Rand smiled. ‘Don’t worry. All the surfaces on the Enterprise are easy clean materials. Just leave your clothes, and someone will collect them later.’ She laid the clothes bags on the bed and left.

  
Half an hour later, Rose emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a bathrobe with a towel turban on her head. ‘That is SO much better.’

  
‘I hope you haven’t used all the hot water,’ he joked.

  
Rose rolled her eyes and smiled. ‘It’s a starship, not a bedsit.’ She noticed his jacket and Converse on the floor. ‘Oh look at the mess you’ve made.’

  
‘A bit difficult not to with the state our clothes are in at the moment. And anyway, Janice said it was okay to leave them there.’

  
‘Janice? Who’s Janice?’ Rose asked suspiciously.

  
‘Yeoman Rand. Her name’s Janice. And she brought our clothes,’ he told her as he patted the clothes bags.

  
‘Careful, don’t get mud on ‘em. Go and have your shower.’

  
Rose pulled down the zip on one of the bags and saw a red sweatshirt, black trousers and black calf length boots. She pulled down the zip on the second bag and saw a red tunic, but no trousers. Just a pair of dark tights and boots. She took the tunic out and held it against her.

  
‘I’ve got a tunic here, but I think Janice forgot the trousers,’ Rose called out to the Doctor. And then she remembered the costumes from the show. She hoped that real life didn’t mimic art.

  
The bathroom door swished open, and the Doctor had a big grin on his face. He’d seen Janice’s uniform, and he knew the trousers weren’t missing.

  
‘That’s not a tunic,’ he told her. ‘It’s a dress.’

  
Rose’s mouth and eyes went wide. ‘You are kiddin’ me. A dress? This is hardly gonna cover my bum, and it’s gonna look SO big in this.’

  
‘Your bum will look as lovely as ever,’ the Doctor said, and realised it had sounded better in his head. ‘I mean your bum has never looked big in anything you wear . . . Not that I’ve been looking at your bum . . . Er, I’ll go and have a shower now.’ He stepped back and the door swished shut.

  
‘You’d better make it a cold one,’ Rose called out

 


	3. Shore Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Rose get cleaned up and set off to explore. They end up in a bar on Deep Space Station K-Seven, and Rose falls for a small, furry alien.

**Chapter 3**

 

**Shore Leave**

  


When the Doctor came out of the bathroom, Rose was sitting on the bed with her legs crossed, zipping up her boots. She stood up and smoothed down her short dress. She held her arms out and smiled. ‘Whatcha think?’

 

The Doctor raised his eyebrows with an appreciative look, and twirled his finger for her to give him a twirl. She obliged, doing a one eighty turn and looking over her shoulder.

 

‘Well?’ she asked.

 

He gave her a cheeky grin. ‘Yep! It covers your bum, and nope, your bum doesn’t look big in it.’

 

‘Thanks,’ she said with her tongue between her teeth smile. She picked up the clothes bag and held it out for him. ‘Here, you’d better try yours on.’

 

He took the clothes off her and went through to the bathroom to get dressed. When he emerged from the bathroom, he was wearing the red sweatshirt, black trousers and boots. The uniform accentuated his slim, athletic figure, and Rose felt a fluttering in her stomach. There were times when he looked at her and smiled THAT smile . . .

 

‘Well?’ he asked with an open mouthed smile.

 

Rose did the same finger twirl, and he turned around, looking over his shoulder.

 

‘Well. You know your bum?’ she teased.

 

‘Yeah?’ he asked cautiously.

 

‘It don’t look big,’ she said with a laugh.

 

‘That’s a relief. So, are you ready to explore?’ he asked as he carefully picked his sonic screwdriver and psychic paper from inside his jacket.

 

‘I’m ready to eat,’ she said, rubbing her tummy. ‘Do they have that room like on the show, where everyone gathers together?’ she asked, taking his arm as they headed for the door. The door swished open, and they stepped into a curved corridor.

 

‘The recreation room. I shouldn’t see why not,’ he replied. ‘Haven’t got a clue where it is though.’

 

As they walked along the corridor, Rose saw a woman in a blue mini dress walking towards them. ‘Excuse me. We’re visitors on board. We’re looking for the recreation room?’

 

‘Oh, right. They’re on the next deck down. Just along here is a turbolift. If you ask for deck six, the port side recreation room is literally just opposite,’ the woman told them.

 

‘That’s lovely. Thank you,’ Rose said with a smile. She tugged the Doctor along by his hand to the turbolift. ‘Come on, I’m starvin’.’

 

They stood by the turbolift doors and waited for one to arrive. The doors swished open and they stepped inside. ‘Deck six please,’ Rose said to the ceiling, and nothing happened.

 

‘Deck six?’ the Doctor tried. Still nothing. He looked around the cylindrical pod and saw six handles at equal distances, protruding downwards from the wall. He remembered the ensign who had led them from the transporter room. He had held onto a handle. He grabbed one of them and found that it twisted. ‘Deck six,’ he repeated, and the pod started to descend. ‘Ah. There we go.’

 

After a few seconds, the doors swished open and they stepped out into a corridor which was a copy of the one they had just come from. Just to the right of them on the opposite wall was a set of double doors that said “Recreation Room”. They walked across the corridor, and the doors swished open.

 

Inside, there were a number of tables and swivel chairs dotted about, with off duty crew members relaxing. A few of them looked over to the Doctor and Rose and smiled before going back to what they were doing. One young man in a yellow sweatshirt could see that they were new to the Enterprise

 

‘Hi there. Are you chaps okay?’ he asked.

 

‘Hello. We’re new on board. I’m the Doctor and this is Rose. We were looking for something to eat.’

 

‘You’re English,’ the man said with delight. ‘Lieutenant Geoff Peters. I’m from Winchester. Here, let me help you with the food replicator.’ He stood and moved over to the right hand wall where there were three microwave sized panels in the wall, and a table with a number of what looked like credit cards.

 

‘I’m from London,’ Rose told him. ‘But the Doctor isn’t actually from Earth.’

 

‘We have a few off worlders in the crew,’ Geoff explained. ‘So what do you fancy then?’

 

‘Pizza,’ Rose said quickly. ‘I could eat a whole one by myself. I’m SO hungry.’

 

Peters laughed. ‘Okay. twelve inch pizza. What type?’

 

‘Pepperoni please.’

 

‘Okay. One pepperoni pizza coming right up.’ He sorted through the cards and selected one. He pushed it into a slot under the right hand panel and pressed a few buttons. The panel slid up, and there was a pre cut pizza on a plate. ‘Bon appetit.’

 

‘Thank you SO much,’ Rose said, taking the plate from him and finding a seat at a table. She picked up a slice and took a large bite. ‘Ooh. That ish sho good,’ she said with a full mouth. ‘You want shome?’

 

The Doctor grinned at her enjoyment and took a slice for himself. ‘Actually. That is not bad for reconstituted proteins, fats and carbohydrates,’ he said as he took a bite.

 

Rose rolled her eyes at him. Trust him to reduce a great pizza down to science. But she was so hungry that he wasn’t going to put her off. ‘So, you were gonna explain how we can be in Star Trek,’ she said as she took another bite.

 

‘Right. So what do you know about Star Trek?’ he asked her.

 

‘Mickey used to watch the re-runs on the satellite channels and I used to be in his flat when they were on, but I never really paid any attention to them . . . Come to think of it, Captain Kirk and Mr Spock look different somehow,’ she realised.

 

‘That’s because Captain Kirk and Mr Spock are not William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy,’ he told her.

 

‘Eh?’

 

‘In “Tomorrow Is Yesterday”, a fighter pilot spots the Enterprise and they have to beam him aboard before his plane disintegrates in the tractor beam.’

 

Rose frowned. ‘And what’s an episode of the show got to do with them lookin’ different?’

 

The Doctor rolled his eyes. This was going to be hard work. ‘Do you know anything about Roddenberry?’

 

‘Yeah. He created Star Trek,’ she said as though it was obvious.

 

‘Yes he did,’ he said as though he was talking to a young child. ‘And in World War Two he was an airforce pilot . . .’

 

Rose frowned in thought, and then the penny dropped. ‘Roddenberry was that pilot! He wrote about himself.’

 

The Doctor waggled his eyebrows. ‘Quite possibly. The scripts he wrote were probably fiction, but the characters were real. When they auditioned the actors, he would have wanted people who reminded him of the originals.’

 

‘Oh, like the film “Galaxy Quest”, but in reverse,’ she realised.

 

‘Yeah, sort of. And it explains why in the sixties, he caused a lot of controversy by not only having a female communications officer, but having one who was dark skinned as well.’

 

‘This is just too weird.’ Whilst Rose considered this and ate another slice of pizza, the Doctor engaged Lieutenant Peters in conversation.

 

‘So Geoff, what was the red alert all about?’ he asked.

 

Peters smiled. ‘Well, as you are new on board, I’m guessing you were the first red alert from Sherman’s Planet.’

 

The Doctor scratched the back of his neck in his usual, embarrassed fashion. ‘Ah, yeah. That was us . . . Sorry.’

 

‘Hey. If you’re in trouble, you’re in trouble. The second red alert was from Space Station K-Seven. That’s where we are now. This whole area is close to the Klingon border and a bit of a powder keg.’

 

“Whee-ee-woo”. [‘All crew. Stand down from general quarters. Repeat, stand down from general quarters. All off duty personnel are authorised to take shore leave on Space Station K-Seven,’] Uhura announced over the intercom.

 

There were cheers from the crew in the room, and they started to file out. Peters stood and looked at the Doctor and Rose.

 

‘Are you two coming?’ he asked.

 

‘What’s over there?’ Rose asked as she picked up her last slice of pizza.

 

‘All sorts. It’s like a city in space. Shops, bars, theatres, parks, pools. You name it, they’ve got it,’ he told them.

 

‘Shops?’ Rose asked with enthusiasm. ‘I’m in.’ She took a large bite of the last slice, and carried the remaining part with her.

 

Rose had been reminded of Satellite Five, when the Doctor had “sonicked” a cash point on the station to get some credits for them, and after a session of shopping and exploring, they  found themselves in one of the bars on K-Seven, where an unhappy Captain Kirk was discussing the situation with his first officer.

 

‘Summoning a starship on a priority A-One channel to guard some storage compartments . . . Storage compartments of wheat,’ Kirk complained.

 

‘Nevertheless Captain, the Klingons would not enjoy seeing us successfully develop Sherman's Planet,’ Spock reasoned.

 

‘I guess not.’ He downed his drink, and they headed for the door. As the door opened, they met Chekov and Uhura coming in.

 

‘I see you didn't waste time taking your shore leave,’ Kirk said with a smirk.

 

‘How often do I get shore leave?’ Uhura complained.

 

‘She wants to shop, and I thought I would help her,’ Chekov explained.

 

A rotund man with a jacket of many pockets entered the bar and moved around them. ‘Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.’

 

Kirk took a foil packet from Mr Spock and showed it to Chekov. ‘Mister Chekov, what do you make of this?’

 

Chekov tipped some of the contents into Uhura’s hand. ‘Oh, quadrotriticale. I've read about this, but I've never seen any before.’

 

‘Does everybody know about this wheat but me?’ Kirk asked.

 

‘Not everyone, Captain. It's a Russian invention,’ Chekov started to explain.

 

‘Ah,’ Kirk said.

 

‘Can I see that?’ the Doctor asked, and Chekov handed him the packet.

 

‘Oh, Doctor, and Rose. I didn’t recognise you now that you are free of all that mud,’ Kirk said.

 

The Doctor smiled at him and looked in the packet. ‘Ah. Quadrotriticale, a high-yield, four-lobed hybrid of wheat and rye. It’s a perennial root grain. Triticale, can trace its ancestry all the way back to twentieth century Canada. But it was an Italian geneticist who successfully developed it to save a starving planet.’

 

‘Oh,’ an embarrassed Chekov said.

 

‘Thank you for that Doctor,’ a smiling Kirk said. He and Spock then left the bar.

 

‘Would you like to join us?’ the Doctor asked Uhura and Chekov.

 

‘You’re the couple who got caught in the flood,’ Uhura realised. ‘Yes, thank you. I’m Uhura, and this is Pavel. We’ll just go and get a drink. Can I get you both a refill?’

 

‘Ooh, yes please,’ Rose said, and gave her their order. Chekov and Uhura waited at the bar whilst the man with the pockets spoke to the bartender.

 

‘I don't want any. I told you before, and I'm telling you again I don't want any more Spican flame gems. Thanks to you, I have enough Spican flame gems to last me a lifetime,’ the bartender told him.

 

The trader wasn’t easily put off though. ‘How sad for you, my friend. You won't find a finer stone anywhere. But I have something better.’ He reached into another pocket. ‘Surely you want some Antarian glow water.’

 

‘I use that to polish the flame gems,’ the bartender said sarcastically.

 

‘You're a difficult man to reach, but I have something from the far reaches of the galaxy. Surely you want . . .’ From yet another pocket, the trader pulled out a fur ball.

 

‘Not at your price.’

 

Uhura saw the fur ball and was immediately intrigued. ‘What is it? Is it alive? May I hold it?’

 

The trader put the ball of fur in her hand and it started to pur. ‘Oh, it's adorable. What is it?’

 

The trader could see he had found a patsy. ‘What is it? Why, lovely lady, it's a tribble.’

 

‘A tribble?’ she asked.

 

‘Only the sweetest creature known to man, excepting, of course, your lovely self,’ the trader honey dripped.

 

Uhura held it to her ear. ‘Oh, it's purring,’ she said with joy and held it up to Chekov’s ear. ‘Listen, it's purring.’

 

‘It's only saying that it likes you,’ the trader told her, continuing his sales pitch.

 

‘Are you selling them?’ she asked hopefully.

 

‘That's what we're trying to decide right now,’ the cynical bartender said.

 

‘My friend, ten credits apiece is a very reasonable price. Now you can see for yourself how much the lovely little lady appreciates the finer things.’

 

‘One credit apiece.’

 

Chekov looked at the tribble suspiciously. ‘He won't bite, will he?’

 

The trader smiled sweetly. ‘Sir, transporting harmful animals from one planet to another is against regulations, or weren't you aware of that? Besides, tribbles have no teeth.’

 

The bartender could see a potential market for these small fur balls. ‘All right. I'll double my offer two credits.’

 

‘Twice nothing is still nothing,’ the trader scoffed.

 

‘If you're not going to take him, I'm going to take him,’ Uhura told the bartender. ‘I think he's cute.’

 

The bartender raised his offer. ‘Four credits.’

 

‘Is that an offer or a joke?’

 

‘That's my offer.’

 

‘That's a joke.’

 

‘Five?’ the bartender suggested.

 

The trader looked at him. ‘You're an honest man. I'll tell you what I'm going to do I'm going to lessen my price to eight and a half credits.’

 

‘You're talking yourself out of a deal, friend. Six credits. Not a credit more,’ the bartender told him.

 

‘Seven and a half,’ the trader offered, but the bartender was stony faced. ‘Seven?’ he shook his head. ‘All right, you robber, six credits.’

 

‘Done. When can I have them?’

 

‘Right away.’

 

‘All right, what are you selling them for?’ Uhura asked the bartender.

 

‘Well, let me see, little lady. Six credits. Figure a reasonable mark-up for a reasonable profit, say ten percent mark-up. Ten credits.’

 

‘Thief,’ the trader said in disgust.

 

‘In fact, I'll sell you this one,’ the bartender told her.

 

When they looked at the sample tribble on the counter, it was eating the quadrotriticale spilt from the packet Kirk had given Chekov

 

‘Hey! He's eating my grain,’ Chekov complained.

 

‘That'll be ten credits,’ the bartender told Uhura as he picked the tribble up off the counter.

 

The trader plucked the tribble from his grasp. ‘That happens to be my sample,’ the trader told the bartender. ‘And I'll do with it as I please. And I please to give it to the lovely lady.’

 

‘Oh, I couldn't,’ Uhura said, picking up the tribble. ‘Could I?’

 

‘I insist,’ the trader said.

 

The bartender slapped his arm. ‘What are you trying to do, ruin the market?’

 

‘Once this lovely little lady starts to show this precious little darling around, you won't be able to keep up with them.’

 

Uhura carried the tribble to the table, while Chekov brought over the drinks.

 

‘Whatcha got there?’ Rose asked her.

 

Uhura handed Rose the fur ball. ‘It’s a tribble. Isn’t it gorgeous?’

 

It started purring and Rose was mesmerised. ‘Oh my god. It’s so cute.’

 

The Doctor leaned over next to Rose and stroked it with his finger. ‘A tribble you say?’ he said to Uhura.

 

‘Yes, that’s what the trader called it,’ She replied.

 

The Doctor whispered in Rose’s ear. ‘There was an episode with tribbles in it.’

 

‘What? Seriously? Are they dangerous or somethin?’,’ Rose whispered back.

 

‘Nah. But they make rabbits look celibate when it comes to reproduction, but that’s not the point,’ he said quietly.

 

‘What d’ya mean?’ she asked in a hushed tone.

 

‘Well. If Roddenberry was that pilot from Earth, then how could he possibly know about a tribble on a space station light years away from Earth?’

 

Rose’s eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. ‘Oh yeah.’

 

He picked up the tribble and inspected it. He then took his sonic screwdriver from the adhesive waistband of his trousers and scanned it.

 

‘What are you doing?’ Uhura asked with concern. ‘What is that device.’

 

The Doctor looked at her and smiled. ‘Don’t worry, it’s just a scanning device. I’m checking it over to make sure it’s healthy.’

 

‘Oh, right. Thank you,’ Uhura said. ‘And is it?’

 

‘Oh yes, it’s a tribble,’ he told Rose.

 

‘No, is it healthy,’ Uhura asked.

 

The Doctor looked puzzled for a moment, and then realised what she meant. ‘Oh yes. It’s alive and well. A living, breathing, eating, reproducing tribble.’


	4. Tribbles For Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor "sonicks" a terminal and finds out about Second Lieutenant Eugene Roddenberry.
> 
> (I have used a bit of artistic license on the dates in Gene Roddenberry’s career to fit in with the “cold war”, and the first UFO sightings.)

**Chapter 4**

 

**Tribbles for breakfast**

  


Captain's log, stardate four, five, two, four, point two. A Klingon warship is hovering only a hundred kilometres from Deep Space Station K-Seven while its captain waits in the station manager's office. Their intentions are unknown.

               

 

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

 

 

The Doctor and Rose were making their way back to their guest quarters on the Enterprise after an interesting evening in the bar on K-Seven. It had been interesting, because the word on the grapevine was that a Klingon D-Seven battlecruiser called the Gr'oth had arrived at the station so it’s crew could have shore leave.

 

Mister Lurry, the manager of K-Seven had not been happy about that. Kirk had beamed over to the station with Spock to talk to the Klingon captain, Koloth, and work out some ground rules for a peaceful visit.

 

When they arrived at their quarters, Rose went and sat on the bed, unzipping her boots and slipping them off. She then stood up and took off her tights. She wriggled her toes in the thick pile of the carpet. It felt divine. She walked past the dividing partition into the living area, and sat on a swivel chair at the table.

 

'So, Gene Roddenberry, a pilot on Earth, wrote a script in the nineteen sixties, about an event that happens in the twenty third century,’ Rose said, just to clarify that she had got her facts right.

 

The Doctor came over from the food replicator where he’d ordered hot chocolate and digestive biscuits. It was part of their bedtime routine on the TARDIS. 'That’s what it looks like, yeah.’

 

'But how? Did he stay on the Enterprise and travel with them for a while?’ she asked and then her eyes sparkled with excitement as she had a thought. 'Maybe he’s still on board.’

 

‘Interesting thought,’ he said as he sat opposite her. He gave her a mischievous grin as he produced his sonic screwdriver. 'Let’s find out.’

 

He sonicked the terminal on the table and started searching the ship’s logs. After a few minutes, he found the entry he was looking for. ‘Ah. Here we are.’ He took a sip of his hot chocolate and started to read out loud. ‘Ship's log Stardate three, one, one, three point two. They were en-route to Starbase Nine for resupply when a black hole began to drag the Enterprise toward it. It required all warp power in reverse to pull them away from the singularity. But, like snapping a rubber band, the breakaway sent them plunging not only through space but also through time. Out of control, they ended up in orbit around Earth in nineteen fifty six.’

 

‘And how did they meet Roddenberry?’ Rose asked.

 

‘Hang on . . . An interceptor aircraft approached the Enterprise, equipped with missiles, possibly armed with nuclear warheads. Don’t forget, this was in the “Cold War” era and each side had their finger on the button,’ he reminded her.

 

‘So they could have thought the Enterprise was some kind of secret Russian weapon then?’

 

‘That’s right. Kirk was worried that if they had been hit with one of those missiles, it might have damaged them severely, perhaps beyond their capacity to repair under the circumstances. They activated a tractor beam to hold the aircraft where it was. The aircraft was too fragile to take the tractor beam and broke up. They managed to beam the pilot aboard before the aircraft was crushed,’ he read.

 

‘And that was him?’

 

‘Yeah. Although in the episode, I’m sure it was the nineteen sixties and of course, the pilot had a different name. Like a pseudonym I suppose. He must have used his artistic license.’

 

'And what happened to 'im?’

 

‘Well. Acknowledging that they had to return Roddenberry, Spock saw several problems to that, prime of which was the explanation of his return. His plane crashed in an open section of southern Nebraska. Search parties were crawling all over that wreckage. A tractor beam had caught and crushed an Air Force plane. It would have been impossible to explain that as anything other than a genuine UFO. Possibly alien, definitely destructive.’

 

‘So he was stuck here,’ Rose realised.

 

‘Yeah. Spock had a theory that a reverse application of what had happened to them could get Roddenberry back. Also, logically, there were a hundred variables, any one of which could have put them in a worse position than they were already in. Kirk decided that the risks were too great. They launched an away mission to recover camera footage from the plane, and Roddenberry requested to join the crew.’

 

‘Hah! I knew it. He’s still here as a member of the crew,’ Rose said in triumph. She then frowned in thought. ‘But hang on. How does he get back to Earth to create the Star Trek programme?’

 

‘That, Rose Tyler,’ he said in that way that made her go weak at the knees. ‘Is a very good question. I think tomorrow we will have to have a chat with Second Lieutenant Roddenberry.’

 

She gave him her enthusiastic smile. ‘And what about the tribbles? What happens to them?’

 

‘Well. From what I remember, they eat all the grain, and Kirk foils a plot by the Klingons to sabotage the colonisation of Sherman’s Planet.’

 

‘Sounds like a busy day tomorrow then. We’d better get some sleep.’

 

Rose went through to the bathroom to change into the complimentary pyjamas that were left on the pillows. They were made of a pale blue, silky material and felt very luxurious. She emerged into the bedroom and climbed into bed, as the Doctor went to change into his pyjamas.

 

‘Computer, dim the lights,’ he said as he came out of the bathroom.

 

[Dimming lights,’] and electronic female voice announced.

 

The lights dimmed to a twilight level and he said, ‘stop.’

 

He sat on top of the bed clothes, and Rose turned to face him. ‘Good night Doctor,’ she said with a smile.

 

He looked down at her and returned the smile. ‘Good night Rose.’

 

The next morning, Rose was woken by a cup of tea being placed on the bedside cabinet. ‘Oh, thank you,’ she said with a yawn. She swept her hair back off her face. ‘Mornin’.’

 

‘Morning,’ he replied, as he sat back on the bed. The door “bonged” gently for their attention, and he called, 'Come in.’

 

The door swished open, and Yeoman Janice Rand entered the living area carrying two clothes bags. She saw that the occupants were in the bedroom. 'Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you were both in bed. I hope I wasn't interrupting anything.’

 

The Doctor suddenly looked horrified that Janice would think that something was going on. He leaped off the bed. 'No. No, you weren’t interrupting anything, was she Rose? We were just . . . just talking.’

 

Rose blushed, as she had often fantasised about something going on in bed with the Doctor. 'No. We're not . . . We're just friends . . . We were just . . .’ She stopped talking. The hole she had dug was deep enough.

 

It was Janice’s turn to look horrified. 'Oh I am SO sorry. We just assumed you were a couple. If I had known, I would have assigned you separate quarters.’

 

The Doctor smiled and put his hands out in a placating gesture. 'Honestly Janice, it's okay . . . Really. We often sleep together when we stay over somewhere.’ He stopped and frowned. That had sounded a whole lot better in his head.

 

'Doctor!’ Rose said sharply. 'What he means is that we often share a bed . . .’ Rose also stopped talking. That had sounded better in her head too.

 

Janice gave them a knowing smile. 'I just wanted to deliver your clothes back. Sorry it took so long, the laundry machines had to have a few passes to get all the mud out.’

 

'Oh I wouldn’t say that was long,’ the Doctor said. 'And I’ve grown quite attached to the uniform.’

 

'Me too,’ Rose agreed. 'I'm fact, I think I’m gonna wear it while I’m on board.’

 

'I thought you said it was too short,’ the Doctor said.

 

'Well yeah, I did think that at first. But then, when you see the other women wearin’ 'em, it feels kinda normal,’ she explained.

 

Janice smiled at them. 'Well, if you like them that much, feel free to keep them when you leave.’

 

‘Oh, thanks,’ Rose said, beaming a smile at her. ‘We could go to a Star Trek convention when we get back home,’ she said quietly to the Doctor.

 

‘Excuse me?’ Janice said as the Doctor had a little giggle.

 

‘Oh, nothing,’ he replied.

 

'Some of the crew are having breakfast in the recreation room. Will we see you there?’ Janice asked.

 

'Oh yeah,’ Rose said enthusiastically. ‘I’ll just get dressed.’

 

After having had their showers, and putting on their uniforms, the Doctor and Rose walked into the busy recreation room and headed for the food replicators.

 

'What do you fancy for breakfast?’ the Doctor asked her.

 

'Y’know, I’ve suddenly got a taste for Weetabix, with cold milk and golden syrup drizzled over them,’ Rose told him.

 

‘Oh that sounds brilliant. I’m going to make that two,’ he said with an open mouthed smile.

 

The Replicator panel slid up, and two bowls of cereal were waiting. They picked up their bowls and looked around the room for the first time. ‘Blimey. It’s busy in here this morning,’ the Doctor observed.

 

‘There’s Uhura over there at the table,’ Rose said. ‘Let’s go and join her.’

 

They picked up the bowls and spoon, and weaved their way past members of the crew to sit at the table, which was covered in purring, furry balls of different sizes and colours.

 

‘Mornin’,’ Rose said cheerfully. ‘I see you’ve been an’ bought some more then.’ She gently swept a few tribbles aside with her arm so that she could put her bowl down.

 

‘Oh, hello Rose, Doctor. No, I didn’t have to. When I woke up this morning, it had produced all these babies,’ Uhura told them.

 

‘Told you,’ the Doctor said to Rose with a waggle of his eyebrows. They both had a mouthful of their breakfast and smiled at each other.

 

The Doctor looked around the room at all the new faces. There were men and women in red, blue and yellow uniforms, and most of them were fussing over the tribbles. The Doctor noticed a serious looking man who was reading something on one of the tabletop monitors.

 

‘Who’s that chap over there?’ the Doctor asked Uhura with a nod of his head. He looked back at his breakfast bowl and shooed away a tribble that was trying to climb into it.

 

Uhura looked over to where the Doctor nodded. ‘That’s Scotty. He’s the Chief Engineer.’

 

‘Oh yeah,’ Rose said as she swallowed her spoonful of weetabix. ‘Course it is. “The engines canna take it captain”,’ she quoted.

 

The Doctor frowned at her. ‘Er no . . . Best not, eh.’

 

As they finished their breakfasts, Spock and Kirk entered the room. ‘Another technical journal, Scotty?’ Kirk asked the engineer.

 

‘Aye,’ Scotty replied with a smile.

 

‘Don't you ever relax?’ Kirk asked him

 

Scotty looked puzzled. ‘I am relaxing.’

 

‘Oh, a man after my own heart,’ the Doctor said with a grin. ‘I have got to talk to him.’

 

Doctor McCoy nodded at the tribble Uhura was holding. ‘How long have you had that thing, Lieutenant?’

 

‘Since yesterday, Doctor. This morning, I found out that he, I mean she, had had babies,’ she told him.

 

‘Well, in that case, you got a bargain,’ he said with a smirk.

 

Kirk came over to the table. ‘Hello Doctor, Rose. How are you enjoying your stay on the Enterprise?’

 

‘Oh it’s unbelievable,’ Rose said. ‘Literally.’

 

‘You running a nursery, Lieutenant?’ Kirk asked Uhura.

 

‘Oh, Captain. Well, I hadn't intended to, sir, but the tribble had other plans.’

 

Kirk looked at the table over the shoulders of his crew. ‘Did you get this at the space station?’

 

‘Yes, sir.’

 

Spock had picked up a white tribble and was stroking it. ‘A most curious creature, Captain. Its trilling seems to have a tranquilising effect on the human nervous system. Fortunately, of course, I am immune to its effect.’

 

Rose stifled a laugh as everyone stared at Spock. He suddenly realised what he was doing, and put it down before leaving with Kirk.

 

McCoy picked up a tribble off the table. ‘Lieutenant, do you mind if I take one of these down to the lab to see what makes it tick?’

 

‘Well, all right, Doctor,’ she said cautiously. ‘But if you're going to dissect it, I don't want to know about it.’

 

‘Don’t you dare!’ Rose said.

 

‘I won't harm a hair on its head,’ McCoy promised. ‘Wherever that is.’

 

‘Say, Lieutenant,’ one of the ensigns said. ‘Seeing as you're giving them away, can I have one?’

 

Uhura smiled. ‘Sure, why not? I think they're old enough.’ She could see that everyone around the table was looking expectantly. ‘Go ahead.’

 

Rose beamed a smile and reached for one, but the Doctor put his hand on her wrist. She threw him a questioning look, and he shook his head.

 

‘Why not?’ she asked. ‘It’s only a little tribble.’

 

‘At the moment it’s only a little tribble. Assume one tribble, multiplying with an average litter of ten, and producing a new generation every twelve hours, it would soon be a TARDIS full of little tribbles . . . And the TARDIS is big place to fill.’

 

‘Ah . . . Good point,’ Rose conceded.

 

As the rest of the crew filtered out of the room with their tribbles, the Doctor thought it would be a good time to ask about a certain member of the crew.

 

'Uhura. Can I ask you about a friend of ours that we think might be on board?’

 

'Yes, of course. Who is it?’

 

'His name is Gene, Gene Roddenberry.’

 

'Really? You know Lieutenant Roddenberry? But that's not possible.’

 

The Doctor raised his eyebrows questioningly. 'Really? Why is that?’

 

Uhura looked a little apprehensive. 'I think you should speak to Captain Kirk.’

 

He looked at Rose, and then back at Uhura. ‘Yes. I think we probably should.’


	5. A Fracar In The Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor and Rose speak to Captain Kirk about Second Lieutenant Roddenberry and go to find him on K-Seven, and it all kicks off in the bar.

**Chapter 5**

 

**A Fracar In The Bar**

  
  


Kirk and Spock were walking away from the recreation room along the curved corridor when the ship wide intercom whistled.

 

“Whee-ee-woo”. [‘Bridge to Captain Kirk,’] Chekov said over the intercom.

 

Kirk went to an intercom panel at an intersection and pressed the button. ‘Kirk here.’

 

[‘Mister Baris is is waiting on channel E to speak to you, sir.’] Nilz Baris was the Federation Undersecretary in Charge of Agricultural Affairs in the quadrant. He was out from Earth to take charge of the development project on Sherman's Planet, and was responsible for issuing the priority one distress call.

 

‘Pipe it down here will you, Mister Chekov,’ Kirk instructed.

 

[‘Aye, sir. Mister Baris is coming on.’]

 

‘Yes, Mister Baris. What can I do for you?’ Kirk asked.

 

[‘Kirk, this station is swarming with Klingons,’] Baris said in an annoyed tone of voice. He had just found out from Lurry that Klingons had arrived at the station the previous night.

 

‘I was not aware, Mister Baris, that twelve Klingons constitutes a swarm,’ Kirk said sarcastically.

 

[‘Captain Kirk, there are Klingon soldiers on this station. Now, I want you to keep that grain safe,’] Baris told him.

 

‘Mister Baris, I have guards around the grain. I have guards around the Klingons. The only reason those guards are there is because Starfleet wants them there. As for what you want . . .’ He was about to tell Baris that he was irrelevant, when he saw Spock looking at him. ‘It has been noted and logged,’ he said reluctantly. ‘Kirk out.’ When Kirk took a dislike to a pompous politician, it was Spock who would remind him of his duty as a Starfleet officer.

 

‘Captain, may I ask where you'll be?’ Spock asked as Kirk walked away from the intersection.

 

‘Sickbay with a headache.’

 

‘Hi, Jim,’ Doctor McCoy said as Kirk walked into sickbay.

 

‘Bones, what have you got for a headache?’

 

McCoy gave him a lopsided smile. ‘Let me guess. Klingons? Baris?’

 

‘Both,’ he said as he looked at a large transparent container on the table, which held a number fluffy tribbles of various sizes and colour. ‘How many of these did Uhura give you?’

 

‘Just one,’ McCoy told him.

 

‘But you've got, er,’ Kirk counted them. ‘Eleven.’

 

‘You noticed that, huh?’ McCoy said as he took some tablets out of a phial. ‘Here. This ought to take care of it.’

 

Kirk accepted the pills and pointed at the container ‘How do they . . ? How do they?’

 

‘I haven't figured that out yet, but I can tell you this much. Almost fifty percent of the creature's metabolism is geared for reproduction . . . Do you know what you get if you feed a tribble too much?’

 

‘A fat tribble,’ Kirk guessed.

 

‘No. You get a bunch of hungry little tribbles,’ McCoy informed him.

 

‘Well, Bones, all I can suggest is you open up a maternity ward.’

 

With his headache gone, Kirk made his way to Transporter Room One to brief the shore leave party on how he expected them to behave. ‘All you men going on shore leave to stay in groups. Avoid trouble with the Klingons.’

 

‘I'll tell them before they go, sir,’ Scotty told him.

 

‘Aren't you going on shore leave, Scotty?’ Kirk asked with concern.

 

‘Why, no, sir,’ Scotty replied.

 

‘I want you to go on shore leave,’ Kirk told him with a smile. ‘Make sure that everybody stays out of trouble.’

 

‘But, Captain,’ Scotty was about to protest, but realised the request was a veiled order. He sighed in resignation. ‘Aye, sir.’

 

The crewmen stepped up onto the transporter platform as Kirk walked towards the door. At the door he turned towards the crewmen. ‘Scotty, enjoy yourself.’

 

He was walking along the corridor, when he saw a man in a red uniform with unruly hair, and an attractive blonde who was also in a red uniform.

 

‘Ah. Captain Kirk. I wonder if we could have a word?’ the Doctor said cheerfully.

 

‘Of course Doctor. What can I do for you?’

 

‘Well. We realised last night that someone we know might be on board,’ the Doctor told him.

 

‘Really? Who would that be then?’ Kirk asked with raised eyebrows.

 

‘Second Lieutenant Eugene Roddenberry. Do you know him?’

 

Kirk’s expression became serious. ‘Yes, I know him. He joined the crew last year,’ he said cautiously.

 

‘In unusual circumstances I should imagine,’ the Doctor ventured.

 

‘You could say that, yes . . . Can I ask how you know him?’ Kirk asked.

 

‘Oh I think as you are asking that question, you can probably guess,’ the Doctor said with a smile. ‘You know he’s not from around here, don’t you . . . You could say he’s a man out of his time.’

 

‘You’re time travellers,’ Kirk realised.

 

'That's right. And in the twentieth century, Gene has a life to live.’

 

'He's famous,’ Rose told him.

 

'Well, in that case I think I’d better call a meeting with Mister Roddenberry so that we can discuss his future,’ Kirk suggested.

 

'Yeah, in the past,’ Rose added.

 

Kirk gave them a puzzled look as he tried to get his head around it.

 

'A meeting would be good, yes,’ the Doctor agreed. 'But I’d like to meet with him first and get a feel for how he’ll take the news.’

 

Kirk nodded. 'Of course. You are time travellers after all. I defer to your knowledge and experience.’

 

'Thank you Captain. So, where can we find him?’

 

'At the moment, he is just starting his shore leave. He beamed over a couple of minutes ago along with Lieutenant Commander Scott and Ensign Chekov.’

 

'In that case then Captain, I think we’ll take our leave, and take some leave,’ the Doctor said with a grin.

 

'Ooh good. I can do some more shoppin’,’ Rose said with an expectant smile as she hugged the Doctor's arm.

 

They went along the corridor to the transporter room, where the operator beamed them over to the station. It still fascinated Rose how the transporter room on the Enterprise slowly morphed into the transporter room on K-Seven. If she had stopped and thought about how her body was being disassembled atom by atom, transmitted through space as a matter stream, and then reassembled, you would probably be able to hear someone scream in space.

 

‘So where do you think he’ll be?’ Rose asked, as they stepped down off the transporter platform.

 

‘He’s a sailor on shore leave,’ the Doctor said in an “isn’t it obvious?” tone of voice. ‘He’ll be in the bar with his mates.’

 

They made their way back to the bar that they had originally visited, as it seemed to be the one favoured by the crew. It was busy, and there were people in orange coveralls at the bar who they suspected were personnel who worked on the station. Rose turned her back to the bar and leaned her elbows on it, surveying the room as they waited to be served. She waved at Chekov, Scotty, and an ensign she didn’t know, who waved back. She then saw Chekov explain who she was.

 

With all the different aliens there, it reminded her of Platform One. She spotted a group at a table who she thought she recognised from one of the shows that Mickey used to watch at his flat.

 

‘Who are those guys over there with the knobbly foreheads?’ she asked the Doctor.

 

He turned to see who she was looking at. ‘Ah. Those will be the Klingons who arrived last night. You don’t want to mess with them.’

 

‘A bit rough are they?’

 

‘You could say that. Imagine Vikings that came from the Powell Estate,’he said.

 

‘Oi! That’s my home you’re dissin’,’ she said with a slap of his arm.

 

He gave her his boyish smile. ‘I’m not wrong though, am I?’

 

Rose thought about it and gave a sideways shrug of her head. He was right. That would be a bad combination.

 

He nodded at the Klingons. 'Y’know, in the original series, because they couldn't afford the prosthetics, Klingons were depicted without the forehead ridges.’

 

Rose frowned. 'But I saw those knobbly foreheads on Mickey's telly.’

 

'That's was “The Next Generation”. They had a proper budget,’ he explained. ‘All the aliens in the original were basically human with different coloured skin and outlandish clothing. The only prosthetics they could afford were Spock’s ears. And that was only because Roddenberry insisted that Vulcans had pointy ears.’

 

'So how did they explain the difference in the Klingons appearance? Did they all wake up in the shower one mornin’ and find that it was all a dream?’ she said with her teasing smile.

 

The Doctor laughed. 'Nah, they had better writers than that. I think they explained it as some kind of genetic accident that took a few generations to grow out.’

 

‘And what can I get you folks?’ the bartender asked.

 

‘I’ll have an Andorian ale please,’ the Doctor said and turned to Rose. ‘Rose?’

 

‘Ooh. I’ll have some of that Altairian brandy, it’s delicious. In fact, I think I’ll get a bottle for mum as a Christmas present,’ Rose said.

 

The trader they had seen the day before entered the bar and tried to get Scotty to buy a tribble. ‘Ah, friend. Can I offer you a charming little tribble?’

 

‘Er, no, thanks,’ Scotty said, and went back to his conversation.

 

‘Oh. Perhaps one of you other gents?’ the trader continued, but got no reply. He wandered over to the Klingon table. ‘Ah, friend Klingon. Can I interest you in a harmless tribble?’

 

The tribble screeched as the trader held it out towards them.

 

‘Get it away from me,’ the Klingon said sharply.

 

‘I'm sorry,’ the trader apologised. ‘I can't understand it. I've never seen them act this way before.’

 

Rose had seen the interaction. ‘Ooh. The tribbles don’t like Klingons.’

 

‘Who’d have thought it,’ the Doctor said with a grin. ‘A simple life form like that has good taste.’

 

‘Get out of here with that parasite,’ the Klingon demanded.’

 

‘He's only a harmless little . . .’

 

‘Take it away!’

 

The trader walked over to the bar as the bartender was pouring their drinks. ‘Yes. Ah, my good friend. How would you like to enter another little transaction? This time, a tribble for a spot . . .’

 

‘A tribble?’ the bartender asked with a hint of disbelief.

 

‘Indeed,’ the trader said with a smile.

 

The bartender reached under the bar and put a tribble on the counter. He reached under again, and produced another, and another, and another. This went on for the best part of a minute, until the counter was covered in tribbles.

 

‘A tribble?’ the bartender said finally.

 

Rose had a fit of giggles as she picked up her drink and once again looked around the room. ‘Which one’s Roddenberry then?’

 

The Doctor nodded. ‘That’s him in the yellow shirt at that table over there. Come on.’

 

They went over to the table. ‘Gene isn’t it? Gene Roddenberry?’ the Doctor asked.

 

Gene looked up to see who had recognised him. ‘That’s right. Do I know you?’

 

‘Nah. But we know you,’ the Doctor told him. ‘We know all about you. Your former life and how you ended up on the Enterprise.’

 

Gene’s face went serious. ‘Who are you people?’

 

‘I’m the Doctor, and this is Rose. And we have got a proposition for you. Shall we find a quiet table where we can have a little chat?’

 

Roddenberry stood up and led them to a quiet corner of the bar, where they sat down with their drinks.

 

‘I’ll get straight to the point Gene . . . You don’t mind me calling you Gene do you?’ the Doctor said.

 

‘No. I don’t mind. It is my name after all,’ he replied.

 

‘Yes, of course it is. It’s a brilliant name. A famous name even,’ the Doctor rambled.

 

‘Doctor,’ Rose said with a roll of her eyes. ‘Straight to the point.’

 

‘Eh? Oh yes, the point. You don’t belong here. Your being here is bending the timelines out of shape. Bend them too much and they might break,’ he tried to explain.

 

Gene frowned. ‘What timelines?’

 

‘Rose here was born in the late twentieth century, and she’s heard of you,’ the Doctor said.

 

‘The late twentieth century? She’s looking good to say she’s pushing three hundred,’ Gene said, giving Rose an appreciative glance. Suddenly, Rose felt that the uniform was too short again.

 

‘She uses a good moisturiser,’ the Doctor joked. ‘No, we got here the same way you did.’ He let that sentence sink in.

 

Gene’s eyes went wide. ‘Time travel? You’re time travellers?’

 

‘That’s right,’ Rose said with a beaming smile.

 

‘Yep. The Enterprise did it by accident, but we do it by design,’ the Doctor told him.

 

‘Y’reckon?’ Rose asked sarcastically. ‘It don’t seem like it half the time. I mean, take now for instance. Waldorf Astoria for lunch you said.’

 

The Doctor gave her a look of exasperation. ‘Rose, please. Not now.’

 

‘I was just sayin’,’ she said sulkily.

 

The Doctor turned back to Roddenberry. ‘We are in a position to offer you a lift home.’

 

Gene leaned back in his chair, deep in thought. ‘I can go home.’ He leaned forward and looked at Rose. ‘And you’ve heard of me?’

 

‘Well, yeah. Everyone has. You’re famous, you . . .’

 

‘Rose!’ the Doctor interrupted.

 

‘Famous for what?’ Gene asked suspiciously.

 

‘Can’t tell you that. It might affect the timeline. You have to work that out for yourself. You see, time isn’t a strict progression of cause to effect. From a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of . . .’ He saw the look on their faces. ‘Oh, never mind. If you read the last page of a novel first, it ruins the story.’

 

‘Oh yeah. Good point,’ Rose said.

 

‘Captain Kirk will convene a meeting to discuss your situation, so have a think about it,’ the Doctor told Gene.

 

‘The Earthers like those fuzzy things, don't they?’ a Klingon at the bar asked the trader as they were talking.

 

‘Oh, yes,’ the trader told the Klingon, thinking he had changed his mind and wanted to buy one.

 

‘Frankly, I never liked Earthers. They remind me of Regulan blood worms,’ the Klingon said, getting a laugh from some of the customers.

 

‘That Cossack!’ Chekov said angrily.

 

‘Easy, lad. You ought to be more forgiving,’ Scotty told him, trying to impart some of his mature experience.

 

Seeing his taunt hadn’t worked, the Klingon tried again. ‘No. I just remembered. There is one Earthman who doesn't remind me of a Regulan blood worm. That's Kirk. A Regulan blood worm is soft and shapeless, but Kirk isn't soft.’ Chekov downed his vodka in one go. ‘Kirk may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood, but he's not soft.’

 

Chekov leaped to his feet, but Scotty put a hand on his arm to restrain him. ‘Take it easy, lad. Everybody's entitled to an opinion.’

 

‘It looks like the Klingons are trying to start a fight,’ the Doctor observed.

 

Chekov sat back down, but the Klingon realised he’d struck gold and swaggered over to their table. ‘That's right, and if I think that Kirk is a Denebian slime devil, well that's my opinion too.’

 

Chekov rose again. ‘Don't do it, mister, and that's an order,’ Scotty told him.

 

Chekov was speechless. ‘You heard what he called the captain.’

 

‘Forget it. It's not worth fighting for. We're big enough to take a few insults,’ Scotty said. They were crewmen on the flagship of the fleet. They were the best. ‘Now, drink your drink.’ He swapped Chekov’s empty glass for Ensign Freeman’s Risian wine.

 

Freeman was about to protest, but the Klingon was on a roll now. ‘Of course, I'd say that Captain Kirk deserves his ship. We like the Enterprise. We, we really do’ he laughed. ‘That sagging old rust bucket is designed like a garbage scow. Half the quadrant knows it. That's why they're learning to speak Klingonese.’

 

‘Mister Scott!’ Chekov said.

 

Scotty put his drink on the table and looked up at the Klingon with a smirk on his face. ‘Laddie, don't you think you should rephrase that?’

 

‘You're right, I should,’ the Klingon agreed. ‘I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away AS garbage.’

 

Scotty stood up as the Klingon looked to his compatriots as he laughed. When he turned back, a right hook from Scotty sent him sailing over a table.

 

‘Oops,’ Rose said. ‘Just like a Saturday night in the Canterbury Arms on the estate.’

 

The Doctor grabbed her hand. ‘Come on. Let’s find some cover. It looks like anyone in a Starfleet uniform is fair game.’

 

He saw the bartender making for the door, so he headed for the bar counter, where they would be able to hide behind it. Halfway there, a Klingon grabbed his shoulder and swung him around, his right hand bunched into a fist ready to strike.

 

As the Klingon tried to throw the punch, he found his wrist was being held back by a petite blonde in a Starfleet uniform. This took him by surprise, because he didn’t think human females were like Klingon females.

 

‘Oi, mush! Cop some of this,’ Rose said as she grabbed a metal tray off a table and hit him full in the face. It made a satisfying “Thwang” sound, and the Klingon staggered backwards over a chair. Rose looked at the tray and grinned as she saw the indentations of his forehead ridges.

 

The Doctor grabbed her hand again and ran for the counter. ‘See. I was right about the Powell Estate.’

 

Rose just laughed as they crouched down behind the counter. The trader was already there, helping himself to all the drinks which had been abandoned. They both poked their heads above the parapet to see how the fight was going. A Klingon slid past them, and their heads moved in unison as they watched him disappear over the end of the counter. They ducked back down, and Rose sat down with her knees tucked up where she could hug them. Seconds later, an ensign rolled over the counter and landed in front of them.

 

‘You all right mate?’ Rose asked in concern.

 

The ensign gave them a big, bloody grin. ‘Yeah. Best fun I’ve had in ages. I’ve always wanted to have a go at a Klingon.’ He leaped to his feet and launched himself back over the counter into the fray.


	6. There May Be Tribble Ahead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a disciplinary meeting, Captain Kirk convenes a meeting with Gene. The tribbles continue to do what tribbles do best and start to become a worry. (P.S. I have just added a title image on the first chapter. Check it out. I hope you like it.)

**Chapter 6**

 

**There May Be Tribble Ahead**

  
  
  


Captain's Log, stardate four, five, two, five, point six. A small disturbance between the Klingon crew and members of the Enterprise crew has broken out aboard Space Station K-Seven. I am forced to cancel shore leave for both ships.

 

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

  
  


The Doctor and Rose were in the Enterprise Briefing Room, standing in line with the ten crewmen who had been involved in the fight in the bar. Each of them sported either bruises on their faces or fat lips. Captain Kirk walked down the line with a disapproving look on his face, until he got to the Doctor and Rose.

 

‘You’re not members of the crew,’ he said with a smile. ‘You don’t have to be here.’

 

The Doctor scratched the back of his neck. ‘Wellll. I know. But we were there when it all kicked off.’ 

 

‘An’ we are wearin’ the uniform,’ Rose added.

 

‘So we thought we’d show a bit of solidarity, with the brothers, as it were,’ the Doctor explained.

 

‘An’ I did hit a Klingon,’ Rose said as an afterthought.

 

Kirk raised his eyebrows. ‘Really?’ 

 

‘Yeah. He was gonna hit the Doctor, so I had to hit him with a metal tray,’ Rose said in her defence.

 

He would have loved to have seen that. A Klingon warrior being hit by a petite human female. ‘So it was self defence then?’

 

‘Well, more like Doctor defence, but yeah, it was,’ Rose said.

 

Kirk turned to the Doctor. ‘And did you get an opportunity to speak with Lieutenant Roddenberry?’

 

‘Yes, I did. He’s having a think about it,’ the Doctor replied.

 

‘Good. After I’ve dealt with the matter of discipline, it might be a good time to have that meeting,’ he said. ‘Lieutenant Roddenberry. I would like you to remain here after the disciplinary. We have matters to discuss,’

 

‘Yes Sir,’ Roddenberry responded.

 

He started to walk back down the line. ‘I want to know who started it,’ he told his crew. ‘I'm waiting.’ He stopped in front of the ensign who had been sitting with Scotty and Chekov. ‘Freeman, who started the fight?’

 

‘I don't know, sir,’ he replied, looking guilty.

 

Kirk stopped in front of Chekov next. ‘All right. Chekov. I know you. You started it, didn't you?’

 

‘No, sir, I didn't,’ he answered truthfully.

 

‘Who did?’

 

‘I don't know, sir,’ he lied, avoiding his captain’s gaze.

 

‘I don't know, sir,’ Kirk repeated, showing them that he didn’t believe a word of it. ‘I want to know who threw the first punch.’ There were no takers. ‘All right. You're all confined to quarters until I find out who started it. Dismissed.’

 

The men turned and started to file out of the room, leaving the Doctor, Rose and Roddenberry behind for the meeting. 

 

‘Scotty, not you,’ Kirk said, and took him to one side. ‘You were supposed to prevent trouble, Mister Scott.’

 

‘Aye, Captain,’ he said guiltily.

 

‘Who threw the first punch, Scotty?’

 

‘Erm,’ he hesitated.

 

‘Mister Scott?’ Kirk pressed.

 

‘I did, Captain,’ he admitted with shame.

 

‘You did, Mister Scott? What caused it, Scotty?’

 

‘To be fair Captain, they were spoiling for a fight,’ the Doctor explained.

 

Scotty nodded at the Doctor. ‘Aye sir they were. They insulted us, sir.’

 

‘Must have been some insult,’ Kirk said.

 

‘Aye, it was,’ Scotty agreed.

 

‘You threw the first punch,’ Kirk confirmed as he shook his head.

 

‘Aye. Chekov wanted to, but I held him back.’

 

‘You held . . ? Why did Chekov want to start a fight?’

 

‘Well, the Klingon, sir. Is this off the record?’

 

‘No, this is not off the record,’ Kirk told him firmly.

 

‘Well, Captain, the Klingons called you, er, a tin-plated, overbearing, swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood,’ he told him sheepishly.

 

‘Is that all?’

 

‘No, sir. They also compared you with a Denebian slime devil.’

 

‘I see.’

 

‘And then they said you . . .’

 

‘I get the picture, Scotty.’

 

‘Yes, sir.’

 

‘After they said all this, that's when you hit the Klingons?’

 

‘No, sir.’

 

‘No?’

 

‘No, I didn't. You told us to avoid trouble.’

 

‘Oh, yes.’

 

‘And I didn't see that it was worth fighting about. After all, we're big enough to take a few insults . . . Aren't we?’

 

‘What was it they said that started the fight?’ Kirk asked him, wanting to get to the bottom of the matter.

 

‘They called the Enterprise a garbage scow . . . sir.’

 

‘I see. And that's . . . when you hit the Klingons?’

 

‘Yes, sir,’ Scotty said with a smile.

 

‘You hit the Klingons because they insulted the Enterprise, not because they . . .’

 

‘Well, sir, this was a matter of pride.’

 

The Doctor and Rose tried to stifle a fit of the giggles.

 

‘All right, Scotty. Dismissed . . . Scotty, you're restricted to quarters until further notice.’

 

‘Yes, sir. Thank you, sir,’ he said in resignation, and then realised what that meant. He gave his commanding officer a big grin. ‘That'll give me a chance to catch up on my technical journals.’

 

Rose buried her face in the Doctor’s shoulder as she bit on her knuckle, trying to stop herself from laughing out loud. The Doctor had a big grin on his face, which disappeared when Kirk looked at him.

 

‘Klingons,’ he tutted. ‘Always bruising for a fight, eh?’

  
  


+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

  
  


In the Medical Lab, Spock was helping McCoy investigate the ever increasing number of tribbles. McCoy could see that something was troubling him. ‘What's the matter, Spock?’

 

‘There's something disquieting about these creatures.’

 

‘Don't tell me you've got a feeling.’

 

‘Don't be insulting, Doctor. They remind me of the lilies of the field. They toil not, neither do they spin. But they seem to eat a great deal. I see no practical use for them.’

 

‘Does everything have to have a practical use for you? They're nice, soft, and furry, and they make a pleasant sound.’

 

‘So would an ermine violin, but I see no advantage in having one.’

 

‘It's a human characteristic to love little animals, especially if they're attractive in some way.’

 

‘Doctor, I am well aware of human characteristics. I am frequently inundated by them, but I've trained myself to put up with practically anything.’

 

‘Spock, I don't know too much about these little tribbles yet, but there's one thing that I have discovered.’

 

‘What is that, Doctor?’

 

‘I like them better than I like you.’

 

‘Doctor?’

 

‘Yes?’

 

‘They do have one redeeming characteristic.’

 

‘What's that?’

 

‘They do not talk too much.’

 

“Whee-ee-woo” [‘Mister Spock?’] Kirk called over the intercom.

 

Spock went over to the panel by the door and pressed the button. ‘Spock here, Captain.’

 

[‘Would you like to join us in the Briefing Room? We are about to discuss Lieutenant Roddenberry’s future,’] Kirk said.

 

‘Of course Captain. I’m on my way.’ He looked at McCoy with his dispassionate face. ‘If you'll excuse me, sir.’ 

 

Spock left the Medical Lab on deck seven, and made his way to the Briefing Room, which was just a short walk around the corner. When he arrived there, the small group were sitting around the table. He noticed that Rose was stroking a tortoise shell tribble. When she had sat down on the swivel chair, she had heard a little squeak and found the little tribble.

 

‘Ah, Mister Spock. Thank you for joining us. We were just about to discuss Lieutenant Roddenberry’s current situation,’ Kirk explained.

 

‘Yes Captain,’ Spock said as he sat at the table. 

 

There was a squeak from behind him, and he put an errant tribble on the table. He accessed the ship’s log on the desktop terminal so that he could give a quick recap of the events. ‘It was stardate three, one, one, three point two, when we encountered a black hole and were catapulted into Earth’s past. It was decided that there were too many difficulties and variables to safely return Lieutenant Roddenberry to his own time.’

 

Kirk nodded. ‘Yes. First of which, would be explaining how he survived the plane crash without activating his ejector seat.’

 

‘Oh yeah,’ said Rose, who hadn’t considered that.

 

Spock continued his recap. ‘There was also the difficulty of calculating the exact temporal distortion of the whiplash effect which would allow us to arrive at the exact moment that the aircraft crashed.’

 

Rose saw the Doctor physical wince. ‘Trust me. You DO NOT want to use a gravitational whiplash to travel through time. It would be like surfing a pyroclastic flow down a volcano. One false move and you’re toast.’

 

‘Precisely Doctor. Which is why the Captain decided against that course of action,’ Spock said.

 

Kirk looked across the table at Gene. ‘I’m sorry Lieutenant, but I had to weigh the lives of four hundred and thirty crew against that of one pilot.’

 

Gene nodded. He already knew why he was a crewman on the Enterprise. ‘There was no choice to make Captain. You couldn’t risk the ship and crew just for me. And I’ve been given an amazing opportunity to serve aboard this incredible star ship.’

 

‘You’re right. A year ago I didn’t have a choice, but today you do have a choice,’ Kirk told him. ‘I believe the Doctor has told you that he has a ship that can take you home.’

 

‘Yes, we were discussing it when the Klingons decided to start a fight,’ Gene told him, and then had a little laugh to himself. ‘It’s funny how things turn out. Twelve months ago I was just a pilot, who didn’t believe in flying saucers or aliens. And now look at me . . . I’m travelling in a flying saucer.’ He nodded towards Spock. ‘And travelling with alien colleagues.’

 

‘I know how that feels,’ Rose told him.

 

Gene smiled at her. ‘Yesterday I had no choices. I was prepared to live the rest of my life here, travelling the stars and living in the future amongst all this incredible technology. And today I now have the choice to either stay here, or leave it all behind and go home.’

 

Roddenberry’s dilemma struck a chord with Rose. ‘When the Doctor asked me to travel the universe with him, at first I said no.’

 

Gene raised an eyebrow. ‘What made you change your mind?’

 

Rose glanced at the Doctor and smiled. ‘He told me that I could go home any time I liked. An I mean any-time. That was important to me, to be able to go and see my mum, to see Mickey, to see all my old mates on the estate. We are lucky that we have a home to go to.’ 

 

She saw the Doctor’s hand on the table next to her and reached over to hold it. She gave it a gentle squeeze and looked into his eyes. ‘Some of us don’t have a home to go to.’

 

‘Very true Rose. That’s a good point,’ Kirk said with a nod. He didn’t know the history of these two strangers, but from the look on their faces, he guessed that the Doctor was some kind of refugee who had lost his home. ‘So Lieutenant. We don’t expect you to make a decision right away. Think it over and let me know what you decide.’

 

He closed the meeting and made his way to the bridge. Roddenberry went to his quarters where he had been confined by the captain, to think about his choices. The Doctor and Rose went to find the arboretum they’d been told about on deck eight.

 

Kirk arrived on the bridge and walked to his chair, preoccupied with Lieutenant Roddenberry. When he sat down, there was a squeak. Just as Rose and Spock had done earlier, he had sat on a large tribble. He looked around the bridge to bring it to someone’s attention, when he noticed that there were fluffy balls everywhere.

 

He thumped the intercom button on his chair. ‘Doctor McCoy, would you mind coming up to the bridge?’

 

He strolled around the bridge and stopped at Communications. ‘Lieutenant Uhura, how did all these tribbles get on the bridge?’

 

‘I don't know, sir. They do seem to be all over the ship,’ she told him.

 

The turbolift door swished open and McCoy entered, stroking a tribble.

 

‘Doctor McCoy,’ Kirk said.

 

‘Yes? Did you want to see me, Jim?’ Kirk held up a handful of tribbles accusingly. ‘Don't look at me. It's the tribbles who are breeding. If we don't get them off this ship, we're going to be hip deep in them.’

 

Kirk frowned. ‘Explain that.’

 

‘The nearest thing I can figure out is they're born pregnant, which seems to be quite a time saver,’ McCoy grinned.

 

‘I know, but really . . .’ Kirk said, looking around at all the potentially pregnant tribbles.

 

‘And from my observations, it seems they're bisexual, reproducing at will. And, brother, have they got a lot of will.’

 

Spock turned from his console. ‘Captain, I am forced to agree with the doctor. I've been running computations on their rate of reproduction. The figures are taking an alarming direction. They're consuming our supplies and returning nothing.’

 

‘But they do give us something, Mister Spock,’ Uhura told him as she stood up and walked towards them. ‘They give us love. Well, Cyrano Jones says a tribble is the only love that money can buy.’

 

‘Too much of anything, Lieutenant, even love, isn't necessarily a good thing,’ Kirk told her as he loaded her arms with tribbles.

 

‘Yes, Captain,’ she said with a pen in her mouth.

 

Kirk started gathering up the tribbles. ‘Get the maintenance crew to clean up the entire ship, and then contact Mister Lurry and tell him I'm beaming down.’

 

‘Aye, aye.’

 

‘Have him find Cyrano Jones and hold him,’ he continued.

 

‘Aye.’

 

Kirk, Spock and McCoy headed for the turbolift. ‘And get these tribbles off the bridge,’ Kirk instructed with a long suffering tone of voice.

 

‘Aye, aye, Captain,’ Uhura said as the doors swished closed.

 

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

  
  


‘Hah! This is brilliant!’ Rose enthused as they strolled arm-in-arm along the meandering gravel path of the mini forest. There were benches where off duty couples were enjoying some private time together.

 

Rose pointed across the grass in a clearing. ‘Look. They’ve even got pools with fish an’ everythin’.’

 

Even in the simulated evening twilight, he could see her beaming smile lighting up the park. The park curved around the inside of the starboard hull for a hundred feet, and was sixty feet across.

 

‘It’s got plenty of wildlife as well,’ the Doctor noticed, as he pointed to hundreds of tribbles in the undergrowth and the trees.

 

‘Oh yeah,’ Rose said as she stooped down and picked one up. It started singing and without thinking, she started stroking it. The singing tribble seemed to have a musical accompaniment as they heard haunting music drifting through the trees. They decided to investigate and see if the could find where it was coming from.

 

As the park curved forwards towards the bow, it blended into an open recreation area of grass and paving, which resembled a pedestrian area in a city. There was a group of off duty crewmen sitting on the grass, jamming an improvised session of music, with other crew sitting around listening. There was a red haired woman in a blue uniform dress, playing a flute-like instrument which was creating the haunting sound.

 

‘That’s beautiful,’ Rose whispered as they walked past an emergency transporter pad on their right. Rose spotted a wide staircase leading up to the next deck.

 

‘I wonder where they go?’ she asked.

 

The Doctor gave her a big grin. He’d always wanted to say this line from “Ghostbusters”. ‘They go up!’

 

They walked casually up the stairs, and a door to their left swished open as they reached the landing. They stepped out onto a curved corridor and they looked left and right.

 

‘Oh, that’s Transporter Room One down there,’ the Doctor said. ‘There’s a turbolift just before it.’

 

They made their way to the lift and waited for the doors to open. When they did open, the saw Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, and Doctor McCoy with armfuls of tribbles.

 

‘Oh hello,’ the Doctor said cheerfully. ‘We’ve just seen hundreds of those in the Arboretum.’

 

Rose sheepishly held up her tribble, and Kirk gave Spock and McCoy and exasperated look.

 

‘We are just going over to the station to talk to Cyrano Jones about them,’ Kirk told them.

 

‘Cyrano Jones?’ the Doctor asked.

 

‘The trader who started all . . .’ He looked at all the tribbles in their arms. ‘This.’

 

‘These,’ Rose corrected him. ‘Shouldn’t it be “all these”.’

 

‘Sounds interesting. Mind if we tag along,’ the Doctor said with his winning smile.


	7. Conspiracy Theories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Undersecretary Nilz Baris makes accusations about Klingon spies, and the Doctor explains to Rose how he perceives the universe. (I've based his explanation on snippets of information gleaned from the various episodes.)

**Chapter 7**

 

**Conspiracy Theories**

  
  
  


In the station manager’s office, Captain Kirk was interviewing Cyrano Jones, the licensed asteroid locator, prospector, and purveyor of rare merchandise. 

 

‘Captain Kirk, I'm mystified at your tone of voice. I've done nothing to warrant such severe treatment,’ Jones protested.

 

‘Oh, really?’ Kirk said sarcastically.

 

‘Surely you must have realised what would happen if you removed the tribbles from their predator-filled environment into an environment where their natural multiplicative proclivities would have no restraining factors,’ Spock said.

 

‘Of course,’ Jones replied, and then frowned. ‘What did you say?’

 

‘By removing the tribbles from their natural habitat, you have, so to speak, removed the cork from the bottle and allowed the genie to escape,’ Spock explained.

 

‘Oh I get it,’ Rose said to the Doctor. ‘It’s like the cane toad in Australia.’

 

‘Exactly,’ the Doctor agreed with a smile.

 

‘If by that, you mean do they breed quickly? Of course, that's how I maintain my stock. Breeding animals is not against regulations, only breeding dangerous ones. And tribbles are not dangerous,’ Jones informed them.

 

‘Just incredibly prolific,’ said Kirk.

 

‘Precisely, and at six credits a head . . . well, that is . . . a body, it mounts up.’ He stood up and handed Kirk a tribble. ‘Now if you'll excuse me.’

 

Kirk looked at the tribble. ‘You should sell an instruction and maintenance manual for this thing.’

 

‘If I did, what would happen to man's search for knowledge? Well, I must be tending my ship.’ He gave everyone a wave. ‘Au revoir.’

 

As Jones left the office, Undersecretary Baris and his assistant Arne Darvin entered the room and strode towards the assembled group.

 

‘Go ahead, sir. Tell him,’ Darvin gloated.

 

Baris gestured for him to be quiet. ‘Captain Kirk, I consider your security measures a disgrace. In my opinion, you have taken this important project far too lightly.’

 

‘On the contrary, sir. I think of this project as very important,’ Kirk told him with a smirk. ‘It is you I take lightly.’

 

Rose tried to suppress a laugh. ‘Oh I like him,’ she whispered to the Doctor.

 

Baris pointed a finger threateningly at Kirk. ‘I am going to report fully to the proper authorities that you have given free and complete access to this station to a man who is quite probably a Klingon agent.’

 

Kirk frowned. ‘That's a serious charge. To whom are you referring?’

 

‘To that man who just walked out of here,’ Baris said, pointing at the door.

 

‘Cyrano Jones, a Klingon agent?’ Kirk asked in disbelief.

 

‘You heard me,’ Baris replied.

 

‘I heard you,’ Kirk confirmed.

 

‘He simply could not believe his ears,’ Spock explained.

 

Kirk looked at Spock, who just raised his eyebrows. Kirk returned the gesture with a shrug. ‘What evidence do you have against Mister Jones?’

 

‘My assistant here has kept Mister Jones under close surveillance for quite some time, and his actions have been most suspicious,’ Baris said. ‘I believe he was involved in that little altercation between your men and the men from . . .’

 

‘No,no,no,no,’ the Doctor interjected. ‘We were there when that all kicked off. Your assistant wasn’t in that bar, and I don’t know what he’s been told or by whom, but it was the Klingons who started that “little altercation” all on their own.’

 

Kirk nodded at the Doctor. ‘Yes, thank you Doctor. So, go on. What else do you have?’

 

Darvin gave the Doctor an icy stare before continuing. ‘Well Captain, I've checked his ship's log, and it seems that he was within the Klingon's sphere of influence less than four months ago.’

 

‘The man is an independent scout, Captain. It is quite possible he is also a Klingon spy,’ Baris suggested.

 

Kirk looked bemused as he looked at Spock and nodded sideways towards Baris and Darvin. Spock took this as a cue to impart some information. ‘We have already checked on the background of Mister Cyrano Jones. He is a licensed asteroid locator and prospector. He's never broken the law, at least not severely. For the past seven years, with his one-man spaceship, he's obtained a marginal living by engaging in the buying and selling of rare merchandise, including, unfortunately, tribbles.’

 

Baris was looking more and more irritated by this information. ‘But he is after my grain!’ he shouted.

 

‘Do you have any proof of that?’ Kirk snapped back.

 

‘You can't deny he's disrupted this station,’ Darvin told him.

 

‘People have disrupted stations before without being Klingon agents. Sometimes, all they need is a title, Mister Baris,’ Kirk said pointedly. As far as he was concerned, Baris had caused far more disruption than anyone else. ‘Unfortunately, disrupting a space station is not an offence. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a ship to tend to. Au revoir.’ Kirk handed the tribble to Spock and walked out.

 

Spock handed the tribble to Lurry and followed his captain. The Doctor followed Spock, and Rose quickly took the large tribble from Lurry and hurried to catch up with them.

 

She linked arms with the Doctor, and he looked at her. He rolled his eyes and smiled when he saw the tribble nestled in the crook of her elbow.

 

'Did you used to be a magician's assistant?’ he asked jokingly.

 

'What d’ya mean?’ she asked in return.

 

'Well, you seem to be able to produce a tribble out of nowhere like a magician produces a rabbit out of a hat.’

 

She laughed. 'I reckon I could be a brilliant magician's assistant. I’ve certainly got the skimpy costume,’ she said, nodding down at her short uniform.

 

He laughed and then called to Kirk ahead of them. 'Hey Captain. I get the impression you don’t like figures of authority.’

 

Kirk stopped and turned to face him. 'Oh I don't know. I like the ones who have earned respect,’ he told him. 'It’s the ones who demand respect because they have a job title that I don’t like.’

 

The Doctor gave him a big, open mouthed grin. 'Oh I just knew I’d like you,’ he said. 'I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to hug you. Do you mind?’

 

Without waiting to find out if Kirk minded or not, he pulled him into a hug and patted his back. Rose couldn’t contain her laughter. The surprised look on Kirk’s face was priceless. The Doctor released him from the hug, and turned towards Rose with his hand out. Rose took his hand and they walked away from the stunned captain.

 

'He's man after yer own heart,’ Rose said as they carried on down the corridor. ‘Tell ya what. While we're here on the station, I’ll let ya take me to dinner at that swanky restaurant we saw yesterday on level ten.’

 

Kirk was speechless as he watched them go. He turned to Spock, who just raised his eyebrows dispassionately.

  
  


+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

  
  


After a slap up meal in the swanky restaurant on level ten, the Doctor and Rose found themselves back at their guest quarters. Rose grabbed her pyjamas and went through to the bathroom to get changed, whilst the Doctor got the hot chocolate.

 

Rose looked at the clothes bags hanging in the closet area. 'I suppose we’ll be putting our own clothes back on soon.’

 

The Doctor came into the bedroom with the mugs of chocolate. 'Yeah. Gene will make his decision, and then we'll take him home.’

 

'Hang on. You don’t know what he’ll decide to do yet,’ she said as she climbed into bed.

 

There was a muffled squeak from under her pillow. She lifted it up to find a purring tribble.

 

'There you go with that magic act again,’ he joked as he handed her a mug. 'You might not know what he'll decide, but I do.’ He put his mug on the bedside cabinet and picked up his pyjamas.

 

'So are ya sayin’ he doesn't have any free will? That it's predetermined?’

 

He stopped at the bathroom door. ‘We know he wasn't in a plane crash and reported missing, presumed dead. We also know that he created the Star Trek franchise.’ He stepped into the bathroom to get changed.

 

When he emerged, Rose continued the conversation as though there had been no pause. 'But you said history could be rewritten, remember? When the Gelth tried to invade through the rift.’

 

He looked under his pillow before sitting on the bed and taking his mug. 'How can I explain how I see the world? It's like one of those fly on the wall documentaries you see on the telly,’ he started to explain.

 

'What? You’ve got a narrator in yer head?’ she asked.

 

'No,’ he said, rolling his eyes. 'When someone appears on the screen, you get a little "pop-up" window with all their statistics. Their name, their age, how many years they’ve been in the job. Their likes and dislikes.’

 

'Blimey. And you get a "pop-up" for everyone do ya?’

 

'Not everyone, no,’ he told her.

 

Rose hesitated before asking her next question. 'So, do you get a "pop-up" with me?’

 

He gave her a cheeky smile. 'You might want to rephrase that. No, I don't get a "pop-up" with you. Your timeline is part of mine now, and I can't see my own timeline.’

 

'Oh right,’ she said, not sure if she was relieved that he couldn't see how their friendship would develop, or disappointed that she couldn't ask him about it.

 

'I did see it in the basement in Hendricks,’ he told her. 'Before I held your hand.’

 

'Really? What did it look like?’

 

He smiled at her. 'It didn't look like anything. It isn't really a "pop-up". It's just information in my head.’

 

'So what information did ya get in yer head then,’ she asked in a long suffering tone of voice.

 

'That you were nineteen, and lived with your mum. That you lost your dad when you were young, and you were bored with your job. I got the feeling that you’d have loved to go backpacking around the world, but hadn’t got the money or the nerve to take the first step.’

 

‘Oh-my-God,’ Rose said, wide eyed and open mouthed. That was exactly how it was before she met him. She had asked Mickey about backpacking in the Far East, but he’d said he’d had his job at Clancey’s garage, and he was a stay at home watching the football, Star Trek and Top Gear kind of guy.

 

‘And then I took your hand and told you to run, and your "pop-up" disappeared from my head. That’s partly why I asked you to come with me.’

 

Rose frowned. ‘But I said no first time.’

 

‘Yes, you did. And your "pop-up" should have, well, “popped up” again.’

 

‘So when it didn’t, you came back and asked me again,’ she reasoned.

 

‘That’s right. And now you’re backpacking around the universe,’ he said with a grin.

 

Rose finished her chocolate, before settling down under the covers and turning on her side to look at him. ‘So tomorrow, you say Gene will decide to go back home, and we take him there in the TARDIS,’ she recapped.

 

‘That’s right. And I wouldn’t be surprised, Rose Tyler,’ he said in that way that made her knees go weak. ‘If that impassioned speech you made earlier didn’t sway his decision.’

 

‘Do you think so? I was only tellin’ it like it is,’ she said, and then remembered how her pep talk had finished. She reached across the bed and held his hand. ‘I’m sorry about the last bit. It was thoughtless of me.’

 

He squeezed her hand gratefully. ‘Don’t worry about it. I was never happy at home anyway. Like you, I was bored.’ He looked off into the distance. ‘I wanted to be out there, to see what was over the next hill, around the next bend. The TARDIS has always felt like home to me.’

 

‘Like a gypsy in his caravan,’ Rose suggested. ‘You’re a space gypsy. Not a new age traveller, an any age traveller,’ she said with a grin.

 

‘That’s me. “Wherever I land my TARDIS, that’s my home”, he sang to the tune of the Marvin Gaye song “wherever I lay my hat”.

 

She gave a single laugh and looked around the room with a sigh. ‘Y’know, Mickey is never goin’ to believe this. He’s gonna be SO jealous when we tell him.’

 

The Doctor laughed. ‘Yeah . . . How are you and Mickey-boy getting on these days,’ he asked her.

 

‘Oh, we’re fine,’ he told her and she saw him raise an eyebrow. ‘No, really. I mean we’re not like we used to be, obviously. But he’s still my best mate.’

 

‘I thought that was Shareen.’

 

Rose smiled. ‘Okay. My best boy-mate then. We chat on the phone and text each other. Talkin’ of my phone, it’s in the pocket of my skirt. I hope it survived the mud bath and the laundry.’

 

The Doctor smiled at her. ‘It’ll be fine. It’ll survive anything now it’s had the super-dooper upgrade.’

 

‘Well that’s a relief.’ She snuggled down under the covers, gently hugging the tribble. It’s soft purring was starting to send her to sleep. ‘Good night Doctor.’

 

‘Good night Rose . . . Computer, dim the lights.’

 

[‘Dimming lights.’]

 

Rose drifted off to sleep wondering if, like the Doctor, tribbles ever slept.

 


	8. An Infestation Of Tribbles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Enterprise is overrun with tribbles, and Spock realises that the vents are the same as on K-Seven. Everyone beams over to check the storage compartments.

**Chapter 8**

**An Infestation Of Tribbles**

  
  
  


“Purrrr . . . Rose . . . Purrrr”. Rose was dreaming she was a Comanche squaw, sleeping under the stars on the Great Plains of North America.

 

“Rose . . . Purrrr . . . Purrrr”. She was sleeping on a soft fur animal skin, with a soft fur blanket. The Doctor was lying by her side. Her Comanche brave. He was purring her name in her ear.

 

“Purrrr . . . Purrrr”.

 

‘Rose? You going to lie there all day?’ he asked her.

 

‘Oh yeah,’ she replied dreamily. She was SO comfortable, and the purring was SO relaxing. She felt she could be Princess Aurore, and sleep for a hundred years.

 

She was puzzled in her dream, when she heard the whistling sound of a sonic screwdriver. She reluctantly opened her eyes, and saw a number of tribbles around her on the bed. ‘Oh, hello,’ she said, stroking a few of them. ‘Where did you all come from?’

 

‘Oh. Awake are we?’ the Doctor said from the living room. ‘That’s what I’m trying to find out,’ he told her in answer to her question.

 

She sat up, stretched out her arms, and yawned. She brushed her hair back off her face with her hand and looked through the dividing grill to the living room. The Doctor was dressed in his Starfleet uniform, and he was reaching up with his sonic screwdriver, scanning the wall and the grill to the ventilation duct.

 

‘Whatcha doin’?’ she asked him.

 

‘Like I said, looking for tribbles. They’re in the ducting.’

 

‘Oh. Any chance of a cup of tea?’

 

‘Nah. You’ll get a cup of tribble at the moment. You’d better get dressed. We need to find the captain.’

 

Rose swung her legs out of bed and stood up. There was a squeak from the floor. ‘Sorry,’ she said to the furry ball by her feet. She grabbed her uniform off the chest of drawers and hurried into the bathroom.

 

“Squeak!”

 

‘Sorry.’

  
  


+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

  
  


Kirk and Spock walked into the busy recreation room, and there were tribbles on the walls, the floor, the tables, even on the three dimensional chess board. Kirk picked up a card for his meal, and pushed it into the slot under the food replicator. The door slid up and he took out a tray which had a cup, a plate, a variety of tribbles, and very little food. He lifted up the cup, which had a fluffy head on it rather than a frothy one.

 

‘My chicken sandwich and coffee,’ he told Spock, showing him the cup. ‘This is my chicken sandwich and coffee.’

 

Spock had fared no better with his meal. ‘Fascinating.’

 

‘I want these off the ship. I don't care if it takes every man we've got, I want them off the ship,’ Kirk stated.

 

Scotty entered the room, carrying an armful of fluff. ‘They're into the machinery, all right, and they're probably in all the other food processors too.’

 

The Doctor and Rose followed Scotty in. ‘Captain. You’ve got tribble trouble,’ the Doctor said and paused. ‘Ooh I like that. Tribble trouble.’

 

‘Doctor!’ Rose said, bringing him back on topic.

 

‘Yes. Tribbles. Like an old house with mice in the walls; like a spanner in the works; you’ve got tribbles in the ducting.’

 

‘Captain, there are vents of that type on the space station,’ Spock told him with concern.

 

Kirk had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. ‘And in the storage compartments.’ He went over to the table by the door and handed the tray to a crewman, before accessing the tabletop monitor. ‘This is Kirk. Contact Manager Lurry and Nilz Baris. Have them meet us near the storage compartments. We're beaming down. Come on, Spock, Doctor, Rose.’

 

In Transporter Room Two, there were tribbles all over the controls and transporter pads. Rose once again stooped down to pick one up so she didn’t tread on it, and again started stroking it. Kirk picked one up but there was nowhere to put it. He just waved it in resignation. ‘Energise.’

 

The party shimmered as they faded from the room.

 

‘’What's wrong?’ Lurry asked as they materialised in the station transporter room.

 

‘Plenty, if what I think's happened has happened,’ Kirk told him and Baris. 

 

He wasted no time as he led the group out of the room and made his way to the nearest storage compartment, which was an alcove off a main corridor. One wall had sloping upper and lower panels, which sloped away from them to meet in the middle. The lower panel had one locked hatch, and the upper had two. There was a guard in a red Starfleet sweatshirt, who had a futuristic sidearm attached to the adhesive waistband of his trousers. He turned to face the group as they entered, and stood to attention.

 

‘Is that door secure?’ Kirk asked him.

 

‘Yes, sir. Nothing could get in,’ he replied.

 

‘Good. Open it,’ Kirk commanded.

 

The guard placed the electronic key over the lock but it just made a “blooping” noise. ‘It's not working, sir. It seems to be stuck.’

 

‘Here. Let me try it,’ Kirk said, and tried to activate the lock himself. It just made the “blooping” noise again. He put the tribble he was holding under his armpit and tried again, but to no avail.

 

He took the key off the lock in frustration and looked at the overhead hatches. He put the key on the left hand lock.

 

‘Er, I wouldn’t do that if I were you,’ the Doctor said cautiously.

 

‘Thank you Doctor. Your concern is noted, but the grain is held in place by a balanced containment field. The weight of each grain is perfectly balanced against the artificial gravity,’ Kirk explained.

 

‘Oh, that’s clever,’ Rose said.

 

‘It is if there’s just grain in there,’ the Doctor told her in a hushed tone. He put his arm around Rose’s shoulder and gently ushered her away from the hatches and towards the doorway.

 

The key activated, and an avalanche of tribbles rained down on Kirk. He put his hands up to try and catch them, and then deflect them. They just kept coming . . . and coming.

 

‘Oh dear,’ Rose said as she bit her bottom lip, which was starting to tremble.

 

‘Oh dear indeed,’ the Doctor said. ‘Those perfectly balanced individual grains are now surrounded by big fat unbalanced tribbles.’

 

After a few minutes, the torrent of tribbles slowed to a trickle, and Kirk’s head appeared from the top of the pile. Rose made a squeaking noise as she tried not to laugh.

 

Spock picked up a particularly large tribble and inspected it. ‘They seem to be gorged.’

 

‘Gorged?’ Baris almost shouted. ‘On my grain? Kirk, I am going to hold you responsible. There must be thousands of them.’

 

‘Hundreds of thousands,’ Kirk said as another tribble bounced off his head with a squeak.

 

Rose put her hand to her mouth as she snorted a laugh, and the Doctor had a big grin on his face.

 

Spock had calculated an accurate figure. ‘One million seven hundred seventy one thousand . . .’ he started. 

 

‘Five hundred sixty one,’ the Doctor finished with a smile.

 

Spock looked at him with raised eyebrows. ‘That's assuming one tribble, multiplying with an average litter of ten.’

 

‘Producing a new generation every twelve hours,’ the Doctor continued.

 

‘Over a period of three days,’ Spock finished.

 

‘That's assuming they got here three days ago,’ Kirk said from within the tribble mound.

 

‘And allowing for the amount of grain consumed,’ Spock added.

 

‘And don’t forget the volume of the storage compartment,’ the Doctor said. He looked at Rose and she high fived him.

 

Baris shook a finger at Kirk. ‘Kirk, you should have known. You are responsible for turning the development project into a total disaster.’

 

‘Mister Baris . . .’ Kirk started, but Baris sliced his hand through the air to cut him off.

 

‘And I'm through being intimidated, Kirk. You have insulted me, you have ignored me, you've walked all over me. You have abused your authority, and you've rejected my requests. And this,’ he said, pointing at the pile of tribbles. ‘This is the result. I'm going to hold you responsible . . .’

 

‘MISTER BARIS,’ Kirk shouted to silence him. ‘I'll hold you in irons if you don't shut up.’

 

At that point, Doctor McCoy entered the storage area holding up two diminutive tribbles. ‘Jim, I think I've got it. All we have to do is quit feeding them. We quit feeding them, they stop breeding.’

 

‘Really?,’ the Doctor said. ‘That’s brilliant. No feeding, no breeding.’

 

Rose pointed at him, having had an idea of her own. ‘No food, no brood.’

 

‘Or, no grub, no cub,’ he ventured.

 

‘Ah, that’s assumin’ their young are called cubs,’ Rose said.

 

McCoy grinned at their word play, whilst Spock just looked at them with that deadpan expression of his. Kirk looked crestfallen. ‘Now they tell me.’

 

‘Well done Doctor McCoy,’ the Doctor said. He took his sonic screwdriver from the adhesive waistband and started to scan the tribbles to confirm McCoy’s conclusions.

 

‘What is that device?’ Spock asked with interest.

 

‘What, this?’ the Doctor said, flipping the sonic in the air and catching it again. ‘It’s a sort of super-duper, teeny-weeny, deluxe version of that tricorder Doctor McCoy has.’

 

Spock raised an eyebrow. ‘Fascinating. You’ve managed to get all of that functionally into that small device.’

 

‘Yeah. There’s more room inside than you’d imagine,’ he told them with a smile and resumed his scanning. He checked the results and frowned. ‘This tribble is dead . . . And so are these.’

 

McCoy took the strap of his tricorder off his shoulder and held out a small scanner which was linked to the tricorder. ‘A lot of them are dead,’ he announced. ‘A lot of them are alive, but they won't be for long.’

 

‘That’s horrible,’ Rose said. ‘Can’t you do anything for them?’

 

‘I haven't even figured out what keeps them alive yet,’ McCoy told her.

 

‘The logical assumption is that there is something in the grain,’ Spock said.

 

‘Yes. Bones, I want the tribbles, the grain, everything analysed. I want to know what killed these tribbles,’ Kirk told him.

 

‘Like I told this young lady, I haven't figured out what makes them tick yet.’ Kirk gave him an irritated look. ‘All right, if I find out anything, I'll let you know.’ He turned and left the area, whilst the Doctor continued scanning with his sonic.

 

Baris started wagging his finger at Kirk again. It seemed that it was becoming his favourite hand gesture. ‘That isn't going to do you any good, Kirk. This project is ruined, and Starfleet is going to hear about it. And when they do, they will have a board of inquiry and they will roast you alive. And I am going to be there, Kirk, to enjoy every minute of it.’

 

‘Until that inquiry, I'm still the captain,’ Kirk told the gloating diplomat. ‘And as Captain, I want two things done. First, find Cyrano Jones, and second,’ he said as another tribble hit him on the head. ‘Close that door.’

 

The Doctor stopped scanning and stuck the sonic back on his waistband. ‘Captain, There’s a virus in the grain.’

 

‘A virus? What kind of virus?’ Kirk asked.

 

‘I don’t know. Plant viruses are obligate intracellular parasites that don’t have the molecular machinery to replicate without a host,’ he explained. ‘It could just be naturally occurring and unable to use the genetically engineered grain. Or it could have been introduced into the grain for some other purpose.’

 

‘Could the virus have killed the tribbles?’

 

‘It would seem a logical conclusion,’ Spock said. ‘Hopefully Doctor McCoy will be able to tell us more when he’s completed his tests.’

  
  


+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

  
  


Kirk was eventually freed from the pile of tribbles, and went with Lurry and Baris to Lurry’s office. A security guard was picking up tribbles from Lurry’s desk, and when his arms were full of fur, he left the office. While the door was still open, two guards pushed a tribble laden Cyrano Jones through it.

 

‘Really, Captain Kirk, I must protest this treatment,’ Jones told him.

 

‘Ah, Mister Jones, with an armful,’ Kirk greeted him as he was forced into a swivel chair. ‘A few questions.’

 

‘Captain Kirk!’ Koloth, the Klingon captain interrupted.

 

‘What do you want?’ Kirk asked with some irritation.

 

‘An official apology addressed to the Klingon High Command. I expect you to assume full responsibility for the persecution of Klingon nationals in this quadrant,’ Koloth told him.

 

‘An apology?’ Had he heard him right?

 

It seemed he had, because Koloth was continuing. ‘Yes. You've harassed my men. You've treated them like criminals. You've been most uncourteous, Captain Kirk. If you wish to avoid a diplomatic incident . . .’

 

Baris rushed forward. ‘No, Kirk. You can't let him. That will give them the wedge they need to claim Sherman's Planet.’

 

‘I believe that more than the word of an aggrieved Klingon commander would be necessary for that, Mister Baris,’ Spock informed him.

 

‘Mister Spock, as far as Sherman's Planet is concerned, Captain Kirk has already given it to us,’ Koloth said with a smirk.

 

‘Well, we'll see about that, but before I take any official action, I'd like to know just what happened,’ Kirk told him. ‘Who put the tribbles in the quadrotriticale?’

 

‘Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?’ the Doctor said to Rose quietly.

 

Rose giggled and slapped his arm. ‘Behave. This is serious.’

 

‘What was in the grain that killed them?’ Kirk continued.

 

‘Captain Kirk, before you go on, may I make a request?’ Koloth asked.

 

‘Yes.’

 

Koloth pointed at the tribbles in Jones’s arms. ‘Can you get those things out of here?’

 

Kirk nodded at the guards, and they took the tribbles from Jones. When they got to the door and it swished open, Baris’s assistant Darvin entered. The tribbles shrieked and wriggled in the guards hands.

 

‘Remarkable,’ Spock said as he observed the reaction.

 

‘Hold on a minute. I thought you said tribbles liked everybody,’ Kirk said to Jones.

 

‘They do. I can't understand it,’ Jones said. 

 

'Hang on. They reacted like that yesterday,’ Rose realised. 'In the bar when you tried to sell 'im one.' She indicated Koloth's first officer, Korax.

 

‘That’s right, it was,’ Jones confirmed.

 

Kirk took two tribbles from the guards and brought them near Korax, where they started shrieking again.

 

‘You're right, Rose. They don't like Klingons,’ Kirk observed. He moved over to Spock as McCoy entered the room.‘But they do like Vulcans. I didn't know you had it in you,’ he joked as the tribbles purred at Spock.

 

‘Obviously tribbles are very perceptive creatures, Captain,’ Spock told him.

 

‘Obviously,’ Kirk agreed. 

 

‘That’s just what I said,’ the Doctor added.

 

Kirk continued around the room with the tribbles. ‘Mister Baris, they like you. Well, there's no accounting for taste.’

 

He ended up back at Darvin, where the tribbles started to make a commotion again. ‘They don't like you, Mister Darvin. I wonder why?’

 

The Doctor took out his sonic screwdriver, and McCoy switched on his medical tricorder. They started scanning Darvin from top to toe.

 

‘Heartbeat is all wrong,’ McCoy said with a frown.

 

‘His body temperature is high,’ the Doctor noted.

 

‘Internal organs are configured wrong,’ McCoy observed.

 

They checked their results, looked at each other with raised eyebrows, and turned to Kirk.

 

‘Jim, this man is a Klingon,’ McCoy announced.

 

‘A Klingon?’ Baris asked in disbelief.

 

‘He don’t look like a Klingon,’ Rose noticed. ‘Where’s the ridges on his forehead?’

 

‘Surgically removed I should imagine,’ the Doctor suggested.

 

‘I wonder what Starfleet Command will say about that. What about the grain, Bones?’

 

‘Oh, yes. It was poisoned,’ McCoy said, confirming the Doctor’s suspicions.

 

‘Poisoned?’ Baris said in even more disbelief.

 

‘What is he, some sort of space parrott?’ Rose said, referring to Baris repeating everything that was said.

 

McCoy smiled at her and continued. ‘Yes. The virus the Doctor detected turns into an inert material in the bloodstream. The more the organism eats, the more inert matter is built up. So after two or three days, they reached a point where they couldn't take in enough nourishment to survive.’

 

‘They starved to death. In a storage compartment full of grain, they starved to death,’ Kirk said.

 

‘That is essentially it,’ McCoy said.

 

‘But that means that if you’d delivered the grain to the colony, then all the people would have starved,’ Rose realised. ‘What kind of sick monster are you?’ she asked Darvin.

 

‘Mister Darvin, are you going to talk?’ Kirk asked him.

 

‘I have nothing to say,’ Darvin said defiantly. Kirk thrust the tribbles into his face, where they screamed and wriggled. ‘All right, I poisoned the grain! Take them away.’

 

‘And the tribbles had nothing to do with it?’ Kirk asked.

 

‘I don't know. I never saw one before in my life, and I hope I never see one of those fuzzy miserable things again,’ Darvin told him.

 

‘I'm certain that can be arranged, Darvin,’ Baris said. ‘Guards? If you'll excuse me, Captain.’ Baris left the office with the security guards and Darvin.

 

‘Captain Koloth. About that apology,’ Kirk said with a smile.

 

‘Yes?’ Koloth said expectantly with his fists on his hips.

 

‘You have six hours to get your ship out of Federation territory,’ he informed him. He held the tribbles out to make a point and they shrieked. Koloth made a hasty bow and practically ran out of the room with Korax.

 

‘You know, I think I could learn to like tribbles,’ Kirk said with a grin.

 

‘Oh I love ‘em,’ Rose said, and the Doctor rolled his eyes.

 


	9. Yesterday Is Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tribbles are cleared off the Enterprise, and the Doctor and Rose give Gene a lift home.  
> Thanks to everyone who stopped by to read this story. Thanks to all of you who left kudos, and thanks to everyone who left a comment.

**Chapter 9**

**Yesterday Is Tomorrow**

  
  
  


The unhappy face of the bartender peered out from a pile of tribbles on the counter. They were everywhere in the bar. On the tables, the shelves, behind the bar. The door swished open, and Cyrano Jones walked in, escorted by Kirk, Spock, the Doctor and Rose. Jones saw the number of tribbles and tried to leave.

 

‘Well, Captain, I suppose I'm free to go now,’ Jones said hopefully.

 

‘No, you're not,’ Kirk corrected as he and Spock grabbed his arms and steered him back into the bar. ‘There's something I want to show you. You know what the penalty is for transporting an animal proven harmful to human life?’

 

‘Captain, one little tribble isn't harmful. Captain, you wouldn't do a thing like that to me, now would you? Would you?’

 

‘The penalty is twenty years in a rehabilitation colony,’ Spock informed him.

 

‘Captain Kirk. Friend . . . Friend Kirk,’ Jones said jovially. ‘Surely we can come to some sort of mutual understanding. After all, my tribbles did put you wise to the poisoned grain, and they did help you to find the Klingon agent. You saved a lot of lives that way.’ He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

 

‘Actually, he’s got a point,’ Rose said, playing devil’s advocate.

 

Kirk looked at her with raised eyebrows, and then looked at the faces of the Doctor and Spock. They were all in agreement with Rose. ‘There is one thing you can do,’ Kirk said.

 

‘Yes?’

 

Pick up every tribble on the space station. If you do that, I'll speak to Mister Lurry about returning your spaceship.’

 

Jones’s face fell. ‘It would take years,’ he protested.

 

‘Seventeen point nine, to be exact,’ Spock told him.

 

‘Seventeen point nine years?’ Jones queried.

 

‘Seventeen years, ten months and twenty four days,’ the Doctor said. ‘That’s presuming you pick up two hundred and seventy one tribbles each day.’

 

‘That doesn’t sound a lot,’ Rose said.

 

‘Ah, no. But every twelve hours, each lot of two hundred and seventy one you haven’t picked up will have produced another two thousand seven hundred and eleven,’ the Doctor said with a grin.

 

‘Oh. So it’s like one step forward and two steps back,’ Rose reasoned. The Doctor nodded and Jones face blanched.

 

‘Consider it Job security’ Kirk said with a smirk.

 

‘Captain, you're a hard man,’ Jones said and went to leave. Both Kirk and Spock held his elbows. ‘All right! All right!’

 

‘You'll do it?’ Kirk asked.

 

‘I'll do it’ Jones whimpered. He started stuffing tribbles into his many pockets, as Kirk, Spock, Rose and the Doctor left the bar. 

 

‘Yer not really gonna make ‘im pick up all of those tribbles on his own are ya?’ Rose asked.

 

Kirk gave her a cheeky smile. ‘We’ll make him think so. I think a few weeks should be long enough for him to learn his lesson and then we’ll send in a team of xeno-zoologists to help him.’

 

‘Oh that is devious,’ Rose said with a grin.

  
  


+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

  
  


The turbolift doors swished open, and Captain Kirk stepped onto the bridge, accompanied by the Doctor, Rose, and Lieutenant Roddenberry. The Doctor was back in his brown, pinstriped suit, Rose was in her plum T-shirt and dungaree mini, and Gene was in his air force flight suit, carrying his helmet. 

 

‘Captain, Starfleet was able to divert that freighter,’ Spock informed him.

 

‘Good. That means Sherman's Planet will get its quadrotriticale only a few weeks late,’ Kirk said with satisfaction. He went to sit in his chair and hesitated. He looked at the seat. ‘I don't see any tribbles around here.’

 

Rose and the Doctor looked around the bridge. ‘Oh yeah. They’ve all gone,’ Rose realised.

 

‘And you won't find a tribble on this entire ship,’ McCoy said.

 

‘Bones, how did you do it?’ Kirk asked in awe.

 

‘I cannot take credit for another man's work,’ McCoy said as he looked at the chief engineer. ‘Scotty did it.’

 

Kirk gave him a pleased smile, but the engineer’s face fell. ‘Scotty! Where are the tribbles?’

 

‘Oh, er, Captain, it was really Mister Spock's recommendation,’ Scotty told him, passing the buck.

 

‘Of course,’ Kirk said, knowing his science officer would have found a solution. ‘Spock?’

 

Spock started his explanation. ‘Based on computer analysis, of course, taking into account the possibilities of . . .’

 

‘Gentlemen, I don't want to interrupt this mutual admiration society, but I'd like to know where the tribbles are.’ Kirk told them.

 

‘Tell him, Spock,’ McCoy said.

 

The Doctor leaned in close to Rose and spoke quietly. ‘Do you get the impression that they’ve done something that isn’t in the regulations handbook?’

 

‘Yeah,’ she replied worriedly.

 

‘Well, it was Mister Scott who performed the actual engineering,’ Spock explained.

 

Kirk was losing patients. ‘Mister Scott. Where are the tribbles?’

 

‘I used the transporter, Captain,’ Scotty said, hoping that was all the information the captain would need to satisfy his curiosity. 

 

It wasn’t.

 

‘You used the transporter?’ Kirk pressed.

 

‘Aye.’ He’d transported them off the Enterprise. Surely that was okay.

 

‘Where did you transport them?’ Kirk asked, and he saw him cast a furtive glance at McCoy. McCoy looked at the domed ceiling of the bridge to avoid looking at the captain. When Kirk looked to Spock for an answer, he got that inscrutable look back. 

 

Kirk had a bad feeling about this. ‘Scott, you didn't transport them into space, did you?’

 

Scott was horrified. ‘Captain Kirk, that'd be inhuman.’

 

Kirk was at the end of his tether. ‘Where are they?’

 

‘I gave them a good home, sir,’ Scotty told him, trying to justify what he had done.

 

‘WHERE?!’ Kirk shouted, finally losing his temper.

 

‘I gave them to the Klingons, sir.’

 

‘You gave them to the Klingons?’ Kirk whispered in disbelief. What was his chief engineer thinking?

 

‘Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit and caboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all.’

 

The bridge crew laughed, including Kirk. The Doctor grinned, and Rose groaned. 'I can’t believe he just said that,’ she said, and then thought about what he had just said. ‘But what will the Klingons do with them? I mean, they were willing to poison a million of them, let alone the colonists.’

 

‘Their logical course of action would be to close the bulkhead doors to the engineering section and open the external hatches, exposing the engine room to the vacuum of space,’ Spock told her.

 

‘No!’ Rose and Uhura cried out together. ‘They’ll suffocate,’ Rose said.

 

‘Hardly,’ McCoy said. ‘Exposed to a vacuum, an organism becomes hypoxic in seconds. They just go to sleep and never wake up. Their brains were rudimentary, and from all the tests I conducted, I could find no evidence that they were self aware or conscious.’

 

‘It still seems cruel,’ Rose said, and Uhura agreed.

 

The Doctor put a comforting arm around her shoulders. ‘It was kinder than being eaten alive,’ he told her. ‘Don’t forget, in their natural environment they would have been at the bottom of the food chain, hence the rapid reproduction.’

 

‘Oh yeah,’ Rose agreed. ‘I suppose goin’ to sleep IS better than bein’ swallowed alive.’

 

Kirk rose from his command chair and went to speak to Roddenberry. 'Lieutenant. Are you ready?’

 

'Yes Sir. I’ve said my goodbyes to my friends and colleagues. There’s just the people on the bridge left.’

 

'Of course,’ Kirk said and stepped aside.

 

Lieutenant Uhura was the nearest, and she gave him a hug. He kissed her cheek and released her from the embrace.

 

'I’m going to miss you and all those tales you used to tell us,’ she said with a sad smile, but then brightened. 'But I am happy for you that you get to go home to your family.’

 

'Thanks Uhura. And I’m going to miss that singing voice of yours.’

 

Chekov had left the helm and shook his hand. ‘Lieutenant. It has been a privilege to work alongside such a professional officer.’

 

'The privilege has been all mine. Where I come from, Russians are seen as the enemy. You’ve opened my eyes to other possibilities.’

 

Scotty shook his hand next. 'It's been nice working with you laddie.’

 

'Mister Scott the miracle worker,’ Gene joked. 'I’m not sure how you do what you do in Engineering, but I’m sure as hell glad that you do it.’ He went over to Doctor McCoy. ‘Doctor. I’m going to miss that acerbic wit when I’m having my medicals.’

 

‘Bedside manner was never my strong point,’ McCoy said with a lopsided smile as he shook his hand. ‘Take care of yourself.’

 

‘Well, that’s it then,’ the Doctor said, who wasn’t big on goodbyes. ‘The Captain and Mister Spock are coming down to the shuttlecraft hangar to see you off.’

 

'This is your time machine?’ Kirk asked as they entered the hangar.

 

The Doctor gave him an enthusiastic smile. 'Yep. Best ship in the universe.’

 

Kirk gave a concerned look to Spock and then back the Doctor. 'But it appears to be made of wood.’ 

 

He was beginning to suspect that the Doctor and Rose may not have been what they claimed to be, but rather two delusional colonist who had concocted an elaborate plot to leave Sherman’s Planet.

 

'Remarkable,’ Spock said with a raised eyebrow.

 

Rose stroked the blue wood to the side of the door. 'Hello old girl,’ she said fondly.

 

'But appearances can be deceptive as they say,’ the Doctor said with a smile, and then frowned. 'Never found out who THEY were though. We’ll have to see if we can find those “theys” one day. Eh Rose?’

 

'Yeah. Good luck with that,’ she said with a grin. Her phone started to ring, and she took it out of her pocket. She looked at the display, and it said “Mickey”.

 

‘Mickey?’ she said into the phone.

 

[‘Rose? Rose, listen. There’s this school . . . Strange lights in the sky over it. Anyway, there’s some weird things goin’ on, and you and the Doctor . . . Well, I need you . . .There’s something out there,’] Mickey said urgently.

 

‘Okay Mickey. Calm down. We’ll be there soon. We’ve just got a bit of business to wrap up.’

 

[‘Where are ya?’]

 

‘You are not gonna believe where I am at the moment, or who I’m with.’

 

[‘Eh?’]

 

‘I’ll tell ya when I see ya.’

 

[‘Okay Babe. See ya soon, yeah?’]

 

‘See you soon. Bye.’ She ended the call, and saw that everyone was looking at her. ‘Sorry.’ 

 

‘What did the Mickey-myster want?’ 

 

‘There’s a school with flyin’ saucers over it or somethin’. He wants us to help him check it out.’

 

The Doctor laughed. ‘Mickey Smith, defender of the Earth. Nice one.’

 

Rose reached the key on the chain from inside her plum T-shirt and unlocked the door. This was her favourite bit, and it never got old.

 

Kirk, Spock, and Roddenberry all looked puzzled, when her voice seemed to echo as though she were inside a cathedral rather than a wooden box. 'Well, are ya gonna stand out there all day, or are ya comin’ in?’ she asked, a little impatiently.

 

The Doctor grinned and held his arm out in invitation. Kirk raised his eyebrows questioningly and stepped inside. His mouth fell open as he looked at the domed, Gothic interior. He realised it wasn't the Doctor or Rose who weren't what they seemed, it was their ship.

 

'What in the name of . . ?’ he uttered. Rose was beaming a smile.

 

'Fascinating,’ Spock said with a deadpan expression as he entered behind Kirk. Rose felt a bit cheated by his lack of reaction.

 

'Holy crap!’ Roddenberry said as he stepped through the door. He stepped back outside and walked around the police call box before going back inside. 'But that's impossible. It’s bigger inside.’

 

Bingo! That's what she’d been waiting for.

 

'Gentlemen, welcome aboard the TARDIS,’ the Doctor said, holding out his arms and turning in a circle. ‘Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.’

 

Spock thought about the name, and realised what it meant. 'Transdimentional engineering. Fascinating. Captain, this vessel is holding the interior dimensions in a fixed, disproportional Euclidian space, relative to the external shell.’

 

Kirk just gave him a blank look. ‘Euclidean space is an abstraction detached from actual physical locations, specific reference frames, measurement instruments, and so on. A purely mathematical definition of Euclidean space also ignores questions of units of length and other physical dimensions,’ Spock explained.

 

'That has got to be the longest “it's bigger on the inside” I’ve ever heard,’ the Doctor said. Rose snorted a laugh. She was loving it.

 

The Doctor ran up the ramp to the console and switched on the monitor. ‘Right Gene. Your plane will be hitting dirt in southern Nebraska at around five thirty seven, on fifteenth of July, nineteen fifty six.’ He started setting the coordinates. ‘We’re going to drop you . . . not literally, next to that plane.’

He continued to orbit the console. ‘Offutt Air Force Base at Omaha will be scrambling a search and rescue helicopter, which will give us roughly fifteen minutes to prepare the site so that it looks like you ejected safely from your stricken plane.’

 

‘You can do all that?’ Gene asked him.

 

The Doctor looked up from the console. ‘Yes I can . . . So, time to say your goodbyes.’

 

Gene turned to Kirk, stood to attention and saluted, before shaking his hand. ‘Captain. It has been a privilege to serve under you. Thank you.’

 

Kirk smiled and nodded. ‘Have a good life Lieutenant. Live it to the full.’

 

‘Oh he does,’ the Doctor said with a smile.

 

Spock held up his hand in the Vulcan salute. ‘Live long and prosper,’ he said before shaking Gene’s hand.

 

‘He does that too, on both counts,’ the Doctor said with a cheeky grin. Rose and Kirk laughed, whilst Spock just stood there, stony faced.

 

Rose led Kirk and Spock down the ramp to the doors, when Kirk turned to look back. ‘I’ll open the hangar doors so you can leave.’

 

‘No need Captain. I think you’re going to like this next bit,’ the Doctor told him.

 

Rose closed the doors when they had left, and the Doctor started the Time Rotor. The domed room was filled with an amazing grinding, wheezing noise as the TARDIS twisted the three dimensions into four. Roddenberry watched the ethereal blue/green light of the Time Rotor pump up and down with an enormous smile on his face. There was something about that noise which evoked feelings of happiness, as though he was a child again on Christmas morning, with presents under the tree waiting to be opened, and snow falling outside. 

 

The TARDIS swayed gently as it travelled down the time tracks of the vortex. The Doctor twiddled and fiddled with the controls until the TARDIS landed with a clump, and the Time Rotor ground to a halt.

 

‘Are we there?’ Gene asked. ‘Am I home?’

 

‘Go and have a look,’ the Doctor told him, and they walked down the ramp to the doors. They stepped out onto a farmer’s field, and fifty yards away was the crumpled wreckage of an air force jet fighter.

 

‘Oh yeah,’ Rose said in surprise. ‘We made it.’ The Doctor gave her a withering look.

 

They walked over to the wreckage, and the Doctor took out his sonic screwdriver.

 

‘Whatcha doin’,’ Rose asked as he adjusted the setting.

 

‘I’m going to activate the rockets on the ejector seat,’ he told her and pointed the sonic at the cockpit.

 

There was a bang and a whoosh as the pilot seat shot into the air and the chute deployed. The chair was too low for the chute to be fully effective, and it came back to earth with a bang.

 

The Doctor winced. ‘Ooh. I bet you’re glad you weren’t in that when it landed. Come on, let’s get over there.’

 

They hurried over to the seat and pulled it into the upright position. The harness was still fastened where Gene had been teleported out of it only minutes before, or a year before, depending on your frame of reference. It was one of those timey-wimey things. 

 

‘So remember. The plane suffered a catastrophic failure of the airframe when it was pulling maximum Gee’s. Probably due to metal fatigue,’ the Doctor told him.

 

‘Yeah, got it,’ he replied. He looked at the Doctor and Rose. ‘I’m not going to be able to tell anyone about the last twelve months, am I? No one will believe it.’

 

‘Oh I don’t know,’ the Doctor said. ‘You could tell your story as a story. People will enjoy watching it, and you will have the satisfaction of knowing it was real.’

 

‘Watching it?’ Gene queried.

 

‘Did I say watching. I meant reading. People will enjoy reading it. Forget I said watching it. Who’d want to watch that on the telly?’ he said with a wink at Rose. 

 

Rose pulled Gene into a hug and kissed his cheek. ‘Bye Gene. Whatever you decide to do, stick at it, yeah?’

 

Gene frowned at the advice and gave her a lopsided smile. That was pretty good advice. ‘Yeah, I will. Thanks Rose.’

 

The Doctor pulled him into a hug as well. ‘Take care Gene. Oh, and when you do tell your story, we’d appreciate it if you left us out of it. We don’t really do fame and publicity. And when it comes to the ears, stand your ground,’ he said cryptically.

 

Gene just laughed at that. He hadn’t got a clue what that meant. ‘Okay. No mention of you, and insist on the ears. Got it. Bye Doctor, and thanks for everything.’ He unfastened the harness and sat in the seat, strapping himself back in. 

 

The Doctor and Rose turned and started to walk back to the TARDIS as they heard the “thwop-thwop” of the Chinook helicopter in the distance.

 

‘Hey, you two. You never said. Who are you?’ Gene called to them.

 

They turned around, looked at each other, and then looked at Gene. ‘Just friends, passing through.’ They gave him a wave and stepped into the TARDIS. A few seconds later, the farmer’s field was filled with the sound of wheezing and grinding as the TARDIS disappeared.

  
  


**The End**


End file.
